Hay Bay-Bay!

I was born at a morbidly obese 11lb 2oz. I was so fat that I when I was forcedly pushed from my mothers womb I was incapable of regulating my enormous bodies blood sugar. Because of this I was placed in the NICU with itty bitty tiny Maxim model babies weighing 4lb’s and such. (Which HAD to have given me a complex.) This in turn only made me look THAT much more fatter. Another long-term blow to my subconscious: they had to get my diapers from the pediatric floor because I wouldn’t fit into the average newborn diaper. I’m pretty sure the little premature babies were in fear of me eating them, and I can only imagine that they have grown to have some sort of subliminal issues from those terrifying days in the NICU with Babyzilla.



This is the hospital picture of me when I was born*:
*If morbidly obese newborns disturb you, please look away now.

I don't think I really ate cheeseburgers until I was at least 2 years old. But I did eat french fries from a very early age. In fact my first word was "fwen fwy". True story. Isn't that pitiful? I will say that after a year of suffering from baby bulimia aka "spitting up" I was able to puke my way to an average weight.

I want to note that I was not a Maury-fat kid that threw tantrums for food, and gummed fried chicken until my teeth erupted. My morbidly obese birth weight can be attributed to the fact that I was born 26 days overdue. (Which is proof that I was born to be a procrastinator.) My mother argued with her Dr. about when she felt she was due, she said Feb.1st, he said, well I'm not sure what he said, but either way when I came out crying for cheeseburgers he looked at my mom and said, "I guess you were right."