It shouldn't be this hard...

Today was my first day of really counting my weight watchers points. I must say I did rather well for the most part. Sometime around 4:30p I became ravenous. I daydreamed of mocha frappe's and Little Debbie cakes. My mouth watered as I imagined raiding my cabinets, and in a hunger induced panic, binging on whatever I could grab.

I ate a banana.

And I felt like a Friggin' rockstar. I swear I heard my fat particles cry out as they slowly died, screaming in frustration over losing the battle they fought so hard. I had a nutrigrain bar for breakfast, a pb&j, fresh bell peppers, apple slices and a cheese stick for lunch, snacked on fruit and veggies all day and then sabotaged all of my hard work on dinner.

How sad is it that eating right is deemed as "hard work"???? That alone speaks for the condition my thighs are in. It shouldn't be hard work to watch what I put into my mouth. Food addiction sucks. And I'm not even close to joking. I'm dead serious. I'm addicted to food and it makes life hard. I laugh about it, because it's ridiculous and what else can you do, but it seriously it is a soul sucking demon and I hate it.

So, I did well all day until dinner. My entree portion size itself was decent. The ricotta cheese, mozzarella, and pasta? Not so much. The garlic cheese bread alone most likely used up the 26 points I had left for dinner. At least I ate a salad. But it was most definitely cancelled out by the Ben & Jerry's I followed dinner with. Even if it was a super small portion. By bedtime tonight I was hungry again and ate another cheese stick.

I'm not going to call my first day counting points as a failure even though I wasn't even able to get through a full day. I have bonus points and if I stay strict the rest of the week I may surprise myself and lose. Tomorrow is a new day!

Great now I have Jennifer Hudson singing in my head...

I have a long road ahead of me. Why can't this be easy?

What I'm Loving Wednesday!



Hailey is going through a "NO CRUST!" stage and Joshua is jumping on the bandwagon of crust hate so I've been LOVING this thing. Also, it seals the sandwich so no jelly bombs on their shirts on PB&J day. {Which less face it, it's PB&J day pretty much EVERY day.}


I'm so late to the game with this one. Everyone's been riding the Nutella train for years and I'm just now jumping on board. My sister introduced me to this yumtastic concoction at her humble aboad and I picked up a jar at my last grocery trip. I had to. I'm in love with it now. It makes crazy yummy snacks.



Amazon.com is friggin' awesome. Actually just online shopping in general but still...I think this is probably another one of those things that everyone's been loving forever and I'm just now doing. Because I signed up for Amazon Mom I get free Prime membership with free shipping and returns! Shipping is super fast, I get stuff in just a couple of business days. This totally sounds like a paid promo, but seriously, I'm just loving being able to shop without leaving my house! {Not having a/c in your vehicle, in the summer, in NC makes you question if that trip to the store is really necessary.}

 

This should probably be on Grayson's "What I'm Loving Wednesday" post, but he doesn't blog...so....yea. I love this too though because it makes him sooo happy! He loves talking to Mr. Owl. He loves all of his Treetop friends! See:
Here he is having a rather serious conversation with his treetop friends. I will have to capture a pic where he's gleefully engaged in conversation and not so serious so you can see the gravity of just how much LOVES this thing.

That is all.


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Tasty Tuesday- Num Num Snacks

It has been basically eleventy-billion years since I've done a Tasty Tuesday post. I am no Betty Crocker so I'm quite slacking in the recipe department. It is rare that I have anything tasty to share about. Until recently. I blame Pinterest for the inspiration I've been getting lately.

I was searching for a snack today, wishing I had graham crackers I could pair with my Nutella when I had a total light bulb moment. I had strawberries! Not only did I have strawberries, but thanks to my fantasmo sister I had prewashed, pre-de-stemified strawberries!

Do you see where this is going?! No? Let me show you...


 Yea...I know. And trust me, they taste just as yummy as they look! Possibly more. And the best yet? They were SO easy and fast to make.

I was lucky to start with strawberries that were ready for filling, but if you're not, start by washing and cutting the stem out. Easy peasy.

This is all you'll need:

•Clean, stemmed strawberries.
•Nutella
•Ziplock bag
•Scissors

This is what you do: 

1. Shove a spoonful of Nutella into the corner of the ziplock bag.
2. Cut a tee-tiny corner off of the ziplock bag.
3. Using the bag, pipe the Nutella into the strawberry.

Wham, bam, thank you mam, you've got one fantastic snack of yuminess.

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Musical Monday #16


I'm pretty sure this is one of those songs that you're either going to love or hate. Me? I obviously love it, otherwise I wouldn't be blogging about it. Either way...yea. Love the song. I had never heard of the song, or even of AWOLNATION, somehow I came across the name, previewed it on iTunes, lurved it, and downloaded it. Just from the little snip it I heard! And this is big, because I'm not a big downloader. Usually I just YouTube songs, or listen to the music channels on DirecTV. But this song was download worthy. Weird ass video I must say.

Enjoy!




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Back to Life

I can't read that title without hearing Soul II Soul's "Back To Life". {♫Back to liiiife, back to reality♪...you know, that one.} I honestly feel like I'm back to life, and, er, back to reality though. {You will now have that song stuck in your head all day. You're welcome.}

Let's say back to "normality". Shall we? A new normality. A life with a family of 6. I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that there are four beings that are genetically linked to me, yet my offspring are fitting in my life like a puzzle piece that I didn't even know were missing in the first place.

I shiz you not, life has been anything but normal the past year. I spent most of it throwing up. Or in bed. My house went neglected. My mother duties were non existent. I thought having clean, fed, and loved children were enough. Fudge the house, and responsibilities like homework and personal hygiene. {For myself.} If my teeth were brushed I considered myself presentable for the day. Trust me, it could have been worse. Thank god for hair bands to throw greasy, unbrushed hair in and yoga pants. That's all I'm saying.

The time of superhard pregnancy and c-section recovery is over and I feel human again! A milk-providing super human actually.

I can't begin to tell you what a rockstar I feel like when I am able to vacuum the floors, clean, fold, and put away laundry, wash dishes, sweep the floors, clean the counters, change diapers, feed the kids, nurse the baby, and help with homework. Add clean hair and fresh clothes and you may as well put me on the cover of a magazine because I feel like HAWT SHIZ. Magazine cover worthy hawt shiz.

 {This is a perfect visual of how I feel when I get life done and do things that a normal individual does on a daily basis but to me it's an amazing accomplishment, so I sing to the mountains of my awesomeness.}

But seriously, that's what happens when you go from a worthless lump that does nothing but grow a human, back to a mom. A real mom. And a real wife. And a real human, who DOES things.

SO NICE TO SEE YOU WORLD! It's been too long...

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i ♥ food

I love food. More than someone probably should. My plump physique attests to that. Today I learned what a porterhouse steak was today. Not by experience. Unfortunately. Buy by Man vs Food. {I ♥ You Adam Richman.} A strip + filet= awesomeness in meaty form. Mmmm...

But seriously, learning this yumtastic piece of knowledge is the equivalent of a heroin addict finding a new, plumpy fat vain. Except instead of skinny and falling asleep in a bowl of soup, I'm full, and waddling out of a steakhouse.

I'm having a mad, out of control obsession with food right now. I thought pregnancy was bad with the cravings and all that jazz but seriously? Nursing is just as bad, if not worse. At least with pregnancy I didn't gain any weight. Fat is clinging on pound by pound and I need to get my ass in gear and get it back off.

For serious.

Eating porterhouses is NOT going to help in this venture obviously. I think I need to be on A&E's Intervention. They could lure me in with promises of porterhouse steak and a pint of Ben & Jerry's Red Velvet Cake Ice Cream. I would eat through drywall and brick for B&J's Red Velvet Cake Ice Cream. Then we can sit around while my family reads to me ultimatum's. "If don't get help today you can no longer eat at my house. And I will no longer go out to eat with you. Even if IHOP is having all-you-can-eat pancakes. Actually especially if it's all-you-can-eat pancakes!!!". That's what they would say to me. Or something along those lines.

Now all I want is IHOP pancakes and butter pecan syrup. Kids eat free in August...

See? Even sitting hear sharing of my disgusting addiction and I'm already thinking of my next high! Typical addict behavior.

I started Weight Watchers 5 weeks postpartum, but in doing online research came across something that said you should weight until 8 week postpartum if you are nursing. I was so relieved disappointed. I was so motivated 3 weeks ago! But now it's just been 3 more weeks of jalapeno kettle chips and pop tarts pushing me further into foodcoma. Now I'm hungry all the time and craving McNuggets and mocha frappes at an alarming rate.

Today was grocery shopping day and I made sure to include lots of fresh veggies for snacking, frozen veggies for steaming, and fresh fruit for sweetness. I bought stuff for yummy lunches and a weeks worth of dinner so NO EATING OUT THIS WEEK. I'm going to take little steps like that and portion control before going into full blown diet mode. I'm going to try and wean myself off the junkness. No cold turkey just yet.

I'm also going to be adding some sort of physical activity in there. As much as I wish it was, laundry and vacuuming doesn't count as cardio and eating big bites of food does NOT equate to curls.

So, what are your tips for filling your belly up without filling it out? Any tips for sneaking in more activity? Share it people! You can keep your secrets to yourselves forever! I demand answers. Or you can expect ravenous rabid monkey's delivered airmail. They're hungry, and full of rabies, and want your neck meat in their mouths! I don't like threats, so help me out. Thanks ya'll!


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Ooo That Smell!! Part IV

I'm still here, fighting my battle, defeating the beast one load of dirty diapers at a time.

One may think this would sway my feelings for cloth diapering. But it hasn't. At all. I'm still loving cloth diapers, just as ever. What I'm hating is myself. For ruining them like a stupid McStupidton.

So...where did we leave off...the bleach. Oh yes. The bleach. I did the wash routine, and rinsed, and rinsed, and rinsed so many times I lost count, I rinsed literally repeatedly all day. I couldn't get the bleach smell out of the diapers. Finally I said screw it and threw the inserts in the dryer and hung the covers. Another stupid move? I threw my Planet Wise wetbag in the wash. With the bleach. DURRRR Now I have a tie dyed wetbag. Oh well.

Once the dipes dried, and were pee'd in, all I could smell was bleach. I hated having that on my babies skin. Luckily it didn't seem to do any harm. No rashes, etc. Once the load was all soiled and washed again, with my original wash routine, I waited to see what came of the ammonia smell.

Still there. Still lingering. Clinging to my diapers with it's dying breath.

The smell wasn't as strong, not nearly. But it was still there. I did notice, however, that it doesn't seem to be in all of the diapers, just some. I really don't know what the difference is.

I'm still washing and playing with wash routines to see what works. Adding water softener, adding hot water to the wash, rinsing and rinsing and rinsing and rinsing, etc. I'm still keeping the Rockin' Green Funk Rock in my arsenal, I've also been suggested to use some sort of ammonia killer that is used in fish tanks, as well as an organic odor eliminator for pet urine.

Like I said before something will work eventually, I just have to figure out what.

I will say, that going through this has pushed me to experiment more with our regular laundry. Joshua recently left an orange crayon in a pocket that got overlooked, washed, and dried with a load of laundry leaving orange stains on EVERYTHING. Normally I would say screw it, and leave the spots deeming the clothes as "play" clothes or "lounge" clothes for myself. But not this time! I worked and scrubbed and experimented until I got the orange crayon out of those clothes! I was rather proud of myself!

I promise a conclusion to this seemingly never ending battle. Hopefully sooner rather than later!

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School: Pro's and Con's

Reason's "Back to School" ROCKS

•New clean/non-stained cute clothes!
•Nice shiny new shoes.
•8 hours with only 1/2 of my offspring.
•Knowing they are learning and growing big fat usable brains.
•New friends.

Reason's "Back to School" SUCKS

•Paying a crap load of money on new clothes.
•Finding shoes that fit, that the kids will actually wear.
•Waking up at 6 am.
•Missing them.
•Bullies.

I pick school. I just don't possess the skills to grow big brains.

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First Day of School 2011

Today I officially became the mom of a 4th and 1st grader. I can't even begin to tell you what a stick of dynamite that is in my ear hole. It blows my mind. I remember 1st grade. A little bit. Okay barely. But I really do remember 4th grade! My teacher was Mrs. Strawn, my favoritest of all time, in all the world. She used to give me time to come to the front of the class and put on a "show" in hopes of containing my maniacal outbursts. It didn't work out too well. But bless that woman she tried!

Yesterday was open house. Which I thought leaned a little towards the retarded side. Having open house the day before school that is. I think it should have been at least a few days before. To give us time to work out any kinks. Luckily there were no kinks to work out. We met Hailey's teacher, Ms. Turner. She's British and has the best accent ever! But now all I can picture is a British nanny that pops hands with rulers and yells things like threats of "boxing your ears" and such . Is that racist? She seemed nice enough, but I can't help but think that anyone from "across the pond" finds us American's gross. I kind of find us gross. Anywho, we lucked out, and our prayers were answered because Joshua got Mrs. Little. His same teacher from 1st grade that we LOVED!


I'm hopeful for an awesome year. As awesome as last year at least.


You know I can't end this without "Back to School" pics! Most of them came out shaky, and blurry, and out of focus for the most part because it was still dark when we went out to wait for the bus. I only really got one good clear shot just before the bus came, the sun had finally come out enough for good lighting.


My Fourth Grader
{See how dark it was?? I had to use my pop-up flash.}

My First Grader
{This was taken, right before we went outside to wait for the bus.}

Just before getting on the bus to head off to their first day of school.

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Wordless{ish} Wednesday

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Why do I love this picture so much? What does that say about me?

I'm linkin' up with Chelsea over at The Paper Mama, you should too!

 


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A look into August 2011...

I feel like I never, or at least rarely, share photos anymore. I don't participate in the Before and After blog hop on Thursdays anymore, or any other photo sharing link-ups really other than an occasional Wordless Wednesday, and maybe even a Shutter Love Tuesday, or Paper Mama Photo Challenge entry.

I've actually gotten a lot better at getting my camera out. Babies grow up so fast, I don't want to miss a single cute moment with Grayson! I only wish I snapped more of the older kiddos. Anyhow, I thought I would share some of my most recent faves.

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Grayson getting kisses from Aunt Kay Kay. He LOVES kisses! They get him smiling almost every time.

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My handsome boy, I just love that face!

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My gorgeous girl, with her crooked little smile! She's growing up too fast, I feel like I'm having a hard time catching up...

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I love this look. As soon as he saw what was written on the box, he turned around and gave me this sly little smirk over his shoulder.

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Hailey is the BEST big sister! She is the biggest help. She makes everyone nervous, except for me. She's GREAT with her baby brother.

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Joshua and his guitar have been joined at the fingers since he opened it. I actually have to force him to do other things. He has no idea what he's doing, yet has this remarkable ability to make his random strumming pleasing to my ears.

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He seriously loves his guitar!

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Speaking of growing up so fast, this I can't believe. Look at that handsome, mature face! He's going to be a heartbreaker in a few years. Even going through this awkward time with losing teeth, growing big teeth, and being skinny as a rail he's gorgeous.

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Lastly, the cutest little burrito in all the land. He loves bring wrapped up super tight, but hates the swaddle technique, so I literally have to just roll him in a blanket. It's hilarious, but works every time.



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Musical Monday #15

Do you recognize this song? Hm? Just a little bit? I love it. And if you recognize it, you know where I discovered it.

This is the song that Harry and Hermione danced to in Harry Potter Deathly Hallows Part I. I don't know what draws me to this song, I don't know why I love it so much. It just draws me and pulls me in and it's a great song to listen to. And I mean come on, if Harry Potter digs it, you know it's pretty fan friggin' tastic. He's Harry Potter people.



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Ooo That Smell!! Part III

Ammonia is a bastard. A dirty, dirty, dirty, and SMELLY bastard.

I didn't know there was going to be a part 3 to my stink story.

I thought I had won the fight. I had stripped the diapers, and they didn't smell at all! I was so excited to get G back into cloth and out of disposables. I was waiting for him to pee. Waiting to see how the diapers would turn out. Waiting to see if the stripping had really worked as well as I thought it had. Just my luck, Grayson went! Actually he really went, and had he been in a disposable would have had a major blow out. There was entirely too much poo to even tell if the diaper was ammonia and detergent build up free.

I waited a couple of hours, longer than I intended to but time flies by, and changed him again. I expected to open his diaper and have the smell hit me. It didn't! My hope began to raise! Then I decided to smell the diaper to see if the ammonia was really gone. I put the diaper as close to my nose as safely possible and took a whiff. {Yes I'm a freak dirty diaper smeller.}

My nose burned.

$#!T! I'm pretty sure at this point I was cussing. Not crying, although I wanted to, but cussing. A lot. I called Stacy, my trusty cloth diaper guru from Jack Be Natural and begged for help! We devised a plan. I was going to take a few diapers, do a soak in hot water and crunchy clean for a couple of hours, scrub the diapers with dawn and a scrub brush, soak in hot water for another couple of hours, throw them in the washer and rinse, then wash with Crunchy Clean, then rinse, rinse, rinse.

The smell really seemed gone then so I did a few more. It took all night and day. Finally I put Grayson in one of the freshly cleaned dipes. I was scared. Nervous and scared. But hopeful. Changing time came around. Same deal, opened the dipe, nothing, sniffed the diaper, BURN, BURN, BURN. The M F'ing ammonia bastard was clinging to my diapers for dear life.

So, I'm on a mission. On a mission to destinkify my diapers.

I've googled and read a ton, and there are SO many conflicting tips that I'm just going to try everything and anything until something works because something has to work eventually!

Right now I'm in the process of cleaning another load of diapers. I did a cold wash with 1 tbsp. of Crunchy clean, with an extra rinse, I did another wash with no detergent just to be sure to get the detergent out. I began another wash, just to saturate the diapers and add weight, added a tbsp of Crunchy Clean, a 1/4 cup of bleach to the bleach dispenser, and a 1/4 cup of vinegar to the fabric softener dispenser. Now I'm waiting. When the cycle is done I plan on doing another wash cycle with nothing to rinse the diapers really well. I will check for any smell, and will rinse until there is no smell.

I'm not sure what my next step will be if this doesn't work, but I am looking at Rockin' Green's Funk Rock with Ammonia Bouncer. I'm hoping I won't need it because {A} It's expensive, you get only 9oz's for about $15. {B} I would have to wait for it to ship. {C} I've read mixed reviews. Mostly awesomely positive, but every now and again someone has claimed it did nothing for them.

I also have Calgon water softener, and something called RLR on the back up list.

I will get my diapers back to their original stink freeness. {Curse you Tide!  Curse you to HECK!} And I will, as I have, share the experience, and will hopefully come up with something that will work, and maybe it will work for someone else if they ever get hit with the stanks.

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Joshua is 9

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I can't believe we're here again! Celebrating yet ANOTHER birthday for the kid who made me "Mom". A year short of a decade ago I gave birth to two lives. The one that grew in my belly and would breathe his first breath, and to the new life I would live from that moment on. A life of selflessness, a life with one purpose. To nurture, and coach, and raise another human being. I still can't believe that someone trusted me with that job. But I can honestly say, hands down, that it was the greatest gift ever given to me. You know the phrase, "With great power, comes great responsibility?". Well that is parenthood. You're given a lot of power and you best not abuse it because a life depends on it. Literally.



Joshua is 9 years old. Nine. So what is it, do boys just skip hop on into preteen stage when they hit 9? My precious innocent boy, my baby, recently discussed his wishes to live in a South American tribe so that he can look at naked woman as much as he wanted without it being inappropriate. I laughed until I cried. My boy is growing up. There's not much more that screams "growing up" like wanting to see naked ladies. {Hey, what can ya do, boys are boys, right?}

Other clues my baby is becoming a young man? He's actually starting to care about what he wears! Hats? They now only go on sideways. Hoodies? They're worn even if it's triple digits outside. Favorite foods have gone from burgers and chicken nuggets to steak and ribs, tacos to pollo con creme, and suddenly he's too old for the kids menu. Saturday mornings are even different. No 6am wake up calls. When left to his own devices he sleeps in! Then makes his own breakfast of cereal or some sort of toaster pastry. Long gone are the days of "The Wiggles", even Spongebob, and iCarly have been neglected these days, replaced with shows like Deadliest Warrior, and Falling Skies.

Joshua's Faves @ 9 Years Old:
•Food- Mexican
•Drink- Gatorade & Root Beer
Animal- All kinds.
Color- All kinds. Except pink. {Of course.}
•Hobby- Hunting, fishing, drawing, playing guitar {thanks to his oh-so-awesome birfday gift from ma, pop, and Grandpa} & reading.
•Sports- Basketball, Football & Soccer
•Movie- Striking Distance, Zombieland, Commando, Terminator, Expendables, Rambo...{okay, pretty much any "dude" movie} oh and Surf's Up. {Maybe there IS a little kid in there somewhere. ^_^}
•Book- Zombie Chasers, The Red Pyramid, Goosebumps Horrorland
•Toys- Lego's, Nerf guns & cars {Hot Wheels and such.}
•Video Game- Call of Duty {Hmm, funny, he's not allowed to play Call of Duty.}, Donkey Kong, Mario
•Gaming System- PS3, Wii, and DSi {It was IMPOSSIBLE for him to pick one. For the record we only own a DSi and Wii.}
•Subject in School- Art, math, and science.
•Asked "If you were given $100 what would you do with it?"- His answer, "Give it to charity.". {Ohh my little humanitarian! ♥} 

 {Don't be embarrassed, it's the newest I have! And you look cool, dentist bib and all. ;) I promise a new pic as soon as possible.}

Lastly, a letter to my son, on his ninth birthday:
Joshua,
9 years ago I was given my greatest and most precious gift. YOU! You are my biggest joy Joshua! You are so funny and whitty and you make me laugh like no other. You were the cutest baby, most adorable little kid, and now you're growing into the most handsome young man! I am blown away by how smart you are. I can't wait to see where your intelligence takes you in life. I know it will be far. You are destined for great things!
I can't say it enough; You are awesome Joshua. You're everything I could ever want in a son and more. I am the luckiest woman alive to have you call me mom. Whoever you pick to be your wife will be so blessed! I know you will be the most amazing husband and daddy because you are the most amazing son and brother.
You are loved beyond measure and one of the greatest things about you is that you're humble enough to know it. Never doubt yourself. I love you!

Happy Birthday Joshua!

♥Love, Mom xo



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Maternity Session

Only one person could ever make me feel beautiful and that is Christine Bryk of Dimples & Curls Photography.

I was so blessed to have her capture one of the most cherished moments in my life! I had never done maternity photos before and with Grayson being my last pregnancy I really wanted something to remember that time.

In usual Dimples & Curls fashion, Christine did her thing and rocked her lens. I'm normally super self concious, but when I saw the end result I could have cried.

They were amazing.

They are so beautiful to me. And they so perfectly capture the beauty I felt in pregnancy. Christine is so talented, you can't even see how miserable and in pain I was!

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240 web

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These are priceless to me, and I will treasure them for always! I seriously can't thank Christine enough!

If you are in the Charlotte area of NC, I highly recommend Christine and Dimples & Curls Photography. She's done our children's photos for almost 3 years now and we will never go anywhere else! Her work is amazing. You can check out her website {HERE} and see some of our photos done with her {HERE}.

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Ooo that smell! Part II

The story continues....
You can catch up with Part I {HERE}.

The smell. Oh. God. The smell. I can't even describe it. Definitely not wet dog anymore. Definitely not faint. Not a "knock you over" smell, but it definitely gave me a firm push. I could smell it as soon as I opened his diaper. It didn't necessarily rape my nostrils, but I felt like they at least deserved a kiss when all was said and done.

To be honest? I wanted to cry.

I had JUST fixed our smell issue!!!!! What had I done?!?!?!?!?! I quickly gathered up all of the diapers I had JUST washed, marched to the laundry room and threw them all in the washer. Then I stood there. "It's only one diaper...maybe I should wait and see how this goes before doing anything drastic." I told myself. So I pulled them all out, refolded them all, and put them back. The second diaper, wasn't as bad, but definitely smelled. So I promised to give it one more try. The third? Still had the smell.

I decided to wait until the next morning to tackle the situation.

I started by putting G in a disposable. Then I took all of our dirty diapers and threw those in the wash first. I did a cold wash cycle, without detergent, a hot wash cycle with 1tbsp. of detergent, and a warm wash cycle to rinse. Of course, I checked all of the diapers, each one, as I threw them in the wash. Didn't they smell like detergent??? I didn't think so. But I couldn't tell. Some seemed to have a very, very faint smell of....something. But what? I don't know. I honestly thought they were good enough, most didn't smell at all, not even faintly. So I threw them in the dryer. And tackled the clean diapers. I decided that because they were clean that all they would need would be lots, and lots of rinsing.

So that's what I did. I rinsed. And rinsed. To be honest I can't even remember what all I did to the poor diapers. 2? 3 cycles maybe? I checked and again, couldn't smell anything on the majority of the diapers. I threw them in the dryer. Once everything was dried, I stuffed and folded and put everything in our basket, ready to go.

To be honest. I regret doing that. I regret not keeping track of what diapers were in which batch.

Finally, I placed Grayons back into cloth. {Yay} When it was time for a change I was soooo nervous! I pulled the diaper off slowly....

and there was NOOOO smell! I was sooo happy! I grabbed the next diaper in line, and snapped it on with happiness! Convinced that the smell issue was gone and that I was going to have success with such a convenient detergent.

An hour or two later, it was diaper change time! I laid G down, pulled the diaper off, and gasped.

The smell.

The smell was back. No, it wasn't back, it hadn't returned, this was a new smell. A much different smell than "faint wet dog". This was a smell I knew.

Ammonia.


Again. I wanted to cry.

I knew the smell immediately, I knew what it was, and I knew what it meant. It meant the Tide wasn't working. At all. And not only that...

I was going to have to strip.

{The diapers yuck-o's! Not my clothes, from my body! Geeze!} I was super, super bummed at first. I really, really wanted Tide to work. And it didn't. And now I was going to have to spend pretty much an entire day stripping my diapers, and praying they would be okay. I was bummed, and felt betrayed by the cloth diapers I love so much.

I'm going to be honest though, stripping was NOT a big deal. Not at all. It was more the fear that it wouldn't work that got to me. But you know what? It worked. And it wasn't bad at all. 1tbsp of blue Dawn dish soap in the laundry detergent dispenser, hot wash,  and lots and lots of rinses later, my diapers were completely smell free.

SO. What did I learn from the horrors of ammonia build up?

•Don't mess with perfection! I had finally gotten a wash routine down that worked, and worked well. I shouldn't have messed with that.
•Don't freak out over things like stinky diapers! The internet can be a scary place. And actually I think a place that really can push someone away from cloth diapering. It had me so worked up, thinking I had ruined my entire stash of cloth diapers. When all they needed was a few extra washings. No biggie.
•Smelling each and every article that comes out of the washer is very time consuming.
•What works for some may not work for you. Everyone has different situations.
•I need more clothes pins!
•Stripping your diapers is actually super easy.
•Crunchy Clean detergent is my best friend. {And my cloth diapers best friend.}
•Cloth diapers do take a little more time to figure out, but are really, really worth it! I haven't had to buy a single diaper since Grayson was born. My cloth diapers are working off their tab and paying for themselves!
•I HATE DIPOSABLE DIAPERS!! I know they work for some, they worked for me with 3 kids! But I didn't know what I was missing then. Having Grayson in disposables while I stripped the cloth was not fun. I had forgotten how easily they leak, and how red they make his little bum :(, plus I think dirty disposables are a lot more gross than dirty cloth now. I don't know why...there's just something gag worthy about smushy, pee filled gel being against my baby's bum. I'd take pee filled cotton any day.

So there you have it, my first real cloth diaper disaster. I hope someone, somewhere learned something, anything!


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Ooo that smell! Part I

So, I posted recently about my somewhat smelly diaper issue that with a little tweaking I was able to reverse and continue my love with cloth diapering.

Everything was back to it's unsmelly glorious ways. No diaper issues at all. A new wash routine, but nothing crazy or hard to do. Not more work, just different work.

Then, inspired by my new wash routine, I had the bright idea that I was going to try and change things up a bit. At the time I was using two different detergents, Era, for our clothes, and Crunchy Clean for the cloth diapers. I couldn't help but to think it was getting ridiculous to use two different detergents. Plus, I was told that using Era could be contributing to the smell I was having. {That it could have been leaving residue that was transferring over to the dipes.} I wasn't a HUGE fan of using Crunchy Clean on our clothes because I felt like I had to use SO much of it on Mel's super dirty work clothes, and because I really like our clothes to have that clean smell. {Crunchy Clean rinses completely out of your clothes, so it doesn't leave a smell.} After many, many hours of googling and researching I decided to make a switch over to Tide. Although I did read a lot of negativity, I also read a lot of good experiences. It seemed to work for others, I could use it for both clothes and diapers, and it's available right in our local Walmart at a great price. So I picked up a box of orginal scented Tide Ultra powder. {I didn't even let the "Ultra" throw me off, I had done so much research I knew "Ultra" was just a concentrated version of the old Tide.}

I was literally excited to try a new wash routine! I threw my diapers in the wash for the initial rinse cycle when I noticed something...there was Tide already in our detergent dispenser. I had forgotten that I had caught Leah fiddling in our laundry room before. I hadn't realized she had gotten into the detergent and filled the dispenser. {Major mom fail, detergent is NOT a good thing for a -almost- 3 year old to be messing with. For seriousness.} I knew using too much detergent was NOT GOOD but figured, "Hey, I'll just make sure to rinse really, really, really well.". I went ahead with the wash routine, threw in extra cycles and rinses, I can't even remember what all I did, but I felt satisfied that all would be well with the diapers. I checked, like always, for any smell as I threw the inserts and all-in-ones in the dryer and hung the pockets. They definitely smelled like Tide. A little more than I would have liked, but nothing strong, nothing like our clothes, I figured we were safe! After drying I smelled, and smelled, and yes there was a faint detergent smell. But nothing strong at all. I wasn't too worried.

Nope, wasn't worried.

Until I put the first Tide washed diaper on Grayson. And he pee'd. And I changed him.

TO BE CONTINUED....

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7 Weeks

Grayson James is 7 weeks old today!

IMG_3593 blog edit


7 weeks old means....

•His eyes are getting sooooo blue!
•He's rolling over FOR REALS! Well...it's mostly on accident, but still, rolling over is rolling over.
•He's been in cloth diapers for 4 WHOLE WEEKS!
•FIRST ROAD TRIP! I won't call it his first vacay, it was for sad reasons, we took an 8 hour drive up to PA for Tommy's "Celebration of Life".
•Sleeping more! For G and for mommy. We're seeing a lot less vamipire raccoon baby. Actually, we're not seeing him at all really. Grayson is sleeping all night some nights! If he does get up it's only to eat and then he's right back down.
•He's sleeping in his crib! Grayson has begun taking naps in his room during the day! {We're still co-sleeping at night though.}
•First bottle! Well...kind of. We attempted some expressed breast milk a few weeks ago, it went a lot better than it's going lately. The good thing about breast feeding though? He doesn't need bottles! It's no biggie. Just means I won't be leaving him for long periods of time. {I can live with that.♥}
•Googles, squeeks, squeels, and baby talk. It's sooooo adorable. Mostly he just yells! Just grins a big grin and yells at the top of his lunges. It's so funny. He wants to talk and babble so badly, but he doesn't quite grasp how to go about doing all that communicating stuff. So he gets all excited, kicks his chunky munk thighs and screams and yells. It's hilarious.
•Lots and lots more SMILES. {As seen HERE.} Real, genuine smiles. Usually followed by a big happy holler!
•Squeeky, donkey'esque laughter. Sometimes Gray man will surprise us and bust out a little giggle here and there. It's so squeeky and adorable. The bestest sound in all the world for sure.
•First yucky cradle cap experience. I didn't even realize he had it until I washed his hair and his skin started coming off in his hair! I about freaked. Once he was rinsed and dry he was covered in dry skin. I brushed it out of his hair and it hasn't returned since. It was really weird...
•New big boy nightly routine! {As described HERE.}
•Clothes are getting tight. D: <--Super-mega-sads face. He's quickly growing out of 0-3 month clothes. A HECK of a lot quicker than I ever imagined he would. He looks ridiculous in NB now, and shouldn't be wearing it at all. He's even a snap size bigger around his little {expanding} waist in his cloth diapers!
•Mommy is learning G's likes and dislikes. Slowly, but surely. When he's swinging or chilling in his bouncer, he likes feeling safe and secure so mommy has to tuck him in with a fuzzy blankey. No swaddling, no receiving blankets, it has to be a FUZZY blanket, not wrapped, but TUCKED tightly under each arm, up high, right to his little chin. Complete the technique with a paci and baby G Man is golden.
•I've come to realize that Grayson is NOT a crier. I am sooo blessed. Now don't get me wrong, if you deprive the boy of boobs, paci's, fuzzy tucked blankies, or a dry butt he will let you know it. But it's more of a "grunt, grunt, ugh, yell, grunt" sort of thing. Not the typical baby "wa, wa, wa". He basically politely tells you he's not happy. And if you're not appeasing him with the quickness he might get a little angry with his grunts and yells. But that's about it. Even at night, if he wakes up hungry, I wake up to aggravated grunting sounds. It's pretty awesome.
•Grayons is AWESOME.
•Picture taking is slowing down. I won't lie. It is. I hope it doesn't slow down, way down, like before. But it's definitely slower.


That's 7 week old G in a nutshell. He's an incredibly awesome baby. We've truly been blessed beyond measure.



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Wordless{ish} Wednesday


"Seriously Ma! Enough with the camera already!"

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What is this? Besides not cool...

This is really hard sharing for what will you will soon see to be obvious reasons, but {A} I get tend to get the best advice when I blog about whatever crap I'm dealing with and {B} Someone else may be going through this too, and it's nice to know that you're not alone in something. {Misery loves company after all.} I am having major, major, super unfun...issues....I guess we can call them. Almost since the day Grayson came home from the hospital I have had the worst anxiety I have ever dealt with in my life.

I am absolutely consumed with the horror that something bad will happen to Grayson. It eats at me. All. The. Time. There are nights I wake up screaming from nightmares. Or there are nights where I wake up and not to sound too morbid, but I think he's dead, and I wake Mel screaming my lunges out.

Do you know what it's like to think your baby is dead?

Even though, yes, I do see is okay seconds later, I still go through that split second feeling that I've lost my world.

There are nights were I literally don't sleep. Even when G's not being a vampire raccoon baby I can't bring myself to close my eyes and sleep. All I can do is lay there and watch his chest rise up and down, and feel comfort in knowing he's okay. I panic while driving at times because I can't see him in his rear facing car seat, and have pulled over just to make sure he's okay. Even while sitting down to write this post, I've checked on him twice and have asked Hailey to check on him once. {He's napping in his own crib, in his own room for the first time.}

I know this isn't normal. I know that mama's do sometimes have there moments where they go in and check on their little ones, or daddy's go in with the "string" check everyone laughs about. But this? This isn't something I do every now and again, and can laugh about, this is something so much bigger.

I can't help but wonder if I have some sort of form of postpartum depression. I feel no sadness that comes with depression, I'm not weepy, I don't feel the hopelessness, loss of pleasure, loss of appetite, I don't feel worthless or guilty, and I don't have any thoughts of harming myself or others. Nothing that raises that normal red flag. I'm just 100% terrified, and anxious, and fearful.

I have talked to my regular doctor and he himself said that he doubted it was PPD, but thought instead it was just anxiety. Honestly though, I really can't help but wonder if he truly grasps the severity of this anxiety I'm feeling. He prescribed me pretty much the only thing that nursing mothers can take while breast feeding, but said that it would make G really mellow. No thank you. Because it's still not considered 100% safe, and does decrease your milk supply I just can't bring myself to take it.

I have heard horror stories of parents suffocating their little ones, but honestly I am just too scared to have Grayson be anywhere but with me at night. I feel like it's a catch 22. I'm terrified something will happen to him in our bed, but I'm terrified something will happen to him if he's NOT in our bed.

I've tried praying, and asking for this to be taken from me. I've tried leaving it out of my hands. But the anxiety is still there. The nightmares are still coming.

Watching my mother-in-law lose her child hasn't helped. I can't imagine losing a child. I can't even form the thought without a full-blown panic attack.

I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like any moment felt anxious or fearful is a moment taken from me that could be spent feeling the joy of having such a wonderful and precious new baby! I am being cheated out of these moments! I just wish I knew what to do...

If you have gone through this please share your experience! What, if anything, helped? Any thoughts, ideas, anything is welcomed. And I know I ask for prayers all the time, but seriously, I could really use them through this. Also, if you know of ANYthing that helps anxiety that can be used or taken while nursing a baby please let me know! I don't want something that will decrease my supply or effect him in any way.

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Musical Monday #14


This is my happy song. I hear that whistle and turn the radio up and smile. It brings me peace when I feel surrounded by turmoil, stress, and the sads. I honestly can't listen to it without smiling.

Yup. My happy song.

I must also say that it has one fab video. Love it. ♥






♫♪Sometimes there's airplanes I can't jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories but please tell me
What there is to complain about♪♫

If that ain't the truth. What is there to complain about? Nothing. So smile and be happy.

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GJR- 1 Month Old





7.30.2011

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Real, genuine, Zzzz's

I am somewhat scared to announce this to the world...but...

Grayson slept all nigh last night.

Did you get that?

No?


GRAYSON SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT LAST NIGHT!!!

Is that not the most fantastical and amazing thing you've ever heard?! Okay, I know everyone really doesn't care in the slightest. Probably. Seeing as how they don't have to nurse a vampire raccoon baby that lies awake all night. And to be honest, can I really complain when all he does is lay there? I mean, he only fusses a wee little bit. I was getting sleep. Just broken, light, and terribly unsatisfying sleep.

With the first day of school rapidly approaching {Um, speaking of which, where the hell did you disappear to Mr. Summer? Hm?} we decided this was the week to get the kiddo's back into school mode. 6:30 means bath, pajamas, teeth brushing, books, and finally bed. All by 7. We're working with Leah, trying to get her ready and used to the schedule for when she starts preschool next month. {*sobs* My baby girl is going to be a preschooler.} I decided if we're getting 3 out of 4 kids on a schedule we may as well throw Grayson in the mix and get him schedulized too. Not on the same schedule though. I'm going to do what works for me since I'm the all mighty provider of nutrition and nourishment. G man's schedule will be bath, lotion/massage, cuddle time and nursing, and then bed. Well, after the first night of said schedule he slept seven hours. SEVEN HOURS! Not just any seven hours though, we're talking SEVEN HOURS THROUGH THE NIGHT.

I woke up at 6:30 to his grunts and fusses and rooting and hand eating. He was starving I'm sure. {Kid probably didn't know what that hungry feeling was!} Do you want to know something amazing awesome to add to the already awesomeness?? The cloth diaper he wore? Didn't leak. Not even a little bit. Not even a hint of leakage. This diaper was holding, and holding STRONG. {For those that want to know? It was a bumGenius elemental, their awesome one size all-in-one.}

As if seven hours wasn't awesome enough, we woke, we ate, I feeding him, then the girls and myself, and then we went BACK to sleep until 9:30!!! It was too good to be true, yet it was. I'm not entirely sure if that would be considered sleeping in, or a nap. Because I mean I was up and eating and even did some dishes and our normal morning routine.

Either way, I felt awesome today. And I'm praying and dreaming and crossing my fingers that it wasn't some random fluke thing and that we will have a repeat of said events tonight. I feel like it's a lot to ask, and really having two nights in a row would feel like winning the lottery right now, but it's not going to stop me from hoping!



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Grayson's Birth Announcement



Grayson's Birth Announcement


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Musical Monday #13

I wasn't planning on many posts over the next week or two, but this came on the radio yesterday and I knew immediately it would be my Musical Monday post. When it was introduced as Demi Lovato's new single I was waiting for a teeny boppy song. I was wrong. Not only was I wrong, but I was blown away.

What an incredible song. What incredible lyrics. And it's to beautiful music.

Good for you Demi, you broke the Disney kid mold with this one.






♫♪You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper♪♫

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The Cloth Diaper Experience- What's that Smell?

I was only 2 weeks in, the whole cloth diapering thing was going great! I was LOVING it. Then one day, as I pulled an insert from the washer to place in the dryer, I noticed a faint smell. {Yes, I have a habit of smelling all of the dipes as they come out of the washer to ensure they're clean.} It smelled like...like wet dog actually. That's the closest thing I really can compare it to. It wasn't overwhelming, or a knock you over kind of odor, it was faint, but it was there, and I was nervous.

I put the load in the dryer determined to hit the interwebs and do some detective work. I googled "cloth diaper wet dog smell". It brought me into a world of stink and build up and residue and stripping and I was suddenly soooo overwhelmed. And so terrified my love affair with cloth was over. I honestly didn't know what to do. Some sites said I wasn't using enough detergent, some sites said I was using too much. Some sites said I needed to rinse more, some said I needed to strip. Some said to use Tide soap, some said Tide ruined their diapers.

I didn't know what to do.

Honestly, because I didn't know WHAT was causing the smell, I didn't know what to DO to fix it.

Luckily, I have been blessed by finding the most awesome cloth diaper store ever and decided to email them. In their typical AMAZING customer service fashion one of the owners called me. I told her what was going on. We talked about all of the things it could be, what she feared it was, and what I could do to fix it.

My original wash routine was this:
Cold rinse, no detergent.
Add 2 scoops of Crunchy Clean, heavy wash cycle on hot, cold rinse, extra rinse.

Sometimes after the cold rinse, there was still poo in the gussets, and I noticed that the diapers always smelled like the "Pink Sugar" scent of the Crunchy Clean before going into the dryer. Both of these things aren't good! It means that they weren't rinsing well enough in the original rinse, and then weren't rinsing well enough, or I was using too much detergent in the main wash.

No wonder I was having some stink!

I tweaked my wash routine and I am now doing the following:
Cold wash with 1 scoop of Crunchy Clean, extra rinse.
Hot wash with 1 scoop of Crunchy Clean, extra rinse.

SUCCESS! I no longer have any faint wet dog smell, or any faint Crunchy Clean smell for that matter either!

Moral of the story? Don't freak out! And even though it's hard, try not to become overwhelmed. Start at the bottom with little changes, like tweaking a wash routine, and then move onto the bigger things if that doesn't help. Maybe changing detergents, or stripping your diapers.

My love affair has gone on to live another day!

I will say this though, in all of the googling I was doing I did discover that with really hard water you can, over time, have a mineral build up on your diapers that can cause some repelling and stink issues. So I am prepared to strip my diapers. Probably once every few months. And I'm also debating on getting some Calgon water softener to add to the wash routine. I'm going to have to google more on the Calgon though.

I will, of course, continue to keep everyone posted. I'm hoping to help other new cloth diapering mama's out there that are in the same boat as me! Learning as we go.

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5 Weeks


 5 weeks? FIVE weeks?! How can it be?? It seems like it's a mistake, like I've lost a week {or two} in there somewhere.

The past two weeks especially have been a whirlwind of changing and growing and milestoning. Enjoy my new word and feel free to use it. {Okay, milestoning is a word, but not used in the context I am using it just FYI.} G's been milestoning like milestones are going out of STYLE. Actually in this house they are. I keep begging Gray man to slow his roll and just stay small for just a wee bit longer, but I swear the more I beg, the more he grows. This kid is already rebellious.

In the past two weeks Grayson James has rolled front to back, is this-close to rolling back to front, his belly button is officially a real life belly button and is no longer stumpy and gross which is a milestone in itself, but because of said achievement this means that a} he's a full-fledged cloth diaper baby (which you know) and b} he's taking "big boy" baths in his baby bathtub. No more sponge baths! We're getting real smiles in reaction to our goofy baby talk, coo's and communicative grunts, and real genuine laughs! In all their squeaky glory! This boy's taking a paci like a paci sucking pro, but we're still working on the whole bottle thing. {I'm fearing he's following his sisters "NO BOTTLE NO HOW" policy that made date nights impossible for a looooong time while she was a wee little baby.}

I am in utter disbelief that Grayson is a month old. A MONTH OLD. Actually a month and 4 days. Super sads. Super mega sads.

We're going for the one month well child check up tomorrow morning and I'm so excited to see how much my chunky monkey has grown the past month. {I really want to know my if my milk is doing it's job.} Of course I'll add the stats. And of then pics too. Sadly my camera decided it was awesome timing for it's battery to drain while I was doing G's 5 week pics tonight. But I caught some SMILES! Tee-hee! REAL SMILES! {Not promising good pics though, by the time I noticed my settings needed adjusted the battery was dead.}

I will say this, I am incredibly thankful and SO glad that Tommy got to meet his newest nephew! He even saw Grayson's brand new smile as he put it to use Saturday night. My sadness in all of this is that G won't know what an awesome man his uncle was. He'll hear stories, but he'll never know him. And that's a tragedy.

Okay, enough of the sads. Pics and stats tomorrow!!!!!! {Orrrrrrrr soon'ish.} And then I'm back on my bloggy break.

*UPDATED 8/7/11*
G's 1 Month Well Child Check Stats:
Weight: 11lb's 5.5oz's, he's gained amost 2.5lb's the past month!
Length: 22"
Head: 40cm {Grew 3 cm's since birth.}

He is in the 90-95th %tile for weight and the 70th %tile for length. {My chunky boy! ^_^}





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I'm taking a quick, short break from the blog for a bit. As you probably saw, we lost an awesome part of our family recently.

Sunday morning my brother-in-law passed away. It was very unexpected and a huge shock. He had been in the hospital over a month, battling some things, but he was coming home today. Today he would have come home. I just realized that as I typed it...anyhow, had he passed a few weeks ago when he first went into the hospital, it would have been a shock, but more expected. We knew he was sick then and we were worried and scared. When we visited with him Saturday night he was fine. He was great actually. He was proudly telling us how well he had done in physical therapy, talking about coming home Tuesday. The worry and fear was gone. Tom was better and coming home.

Finding out he was gone the next morning...it wasn't right. We had JUST seen him the night before. He was fine. HE WAS FINE.

And now he's gone.

Tom was an awesome Uncle. He loved his nieces and nephews a lot. He was an awesome brother, friend, and son. Just an overall great guy. The world is definitely missing out. It's just not as good of a place without him here.

We're all grieving right now. Life is going on around us like nothing significant has happened, while all of our world's have been turned upside down.

Sometimes I'm okay. A lot of times I'm not. But I know it's going to get easier. We'll learn that it is possible to live in a world without someone who was such a big part of it.

Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers as we learn to live without someone we love so much. We need peace right now. Can you ask that we're given that?

I'll be back eventually when things aren't so raw around the edges.

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Gone too soon...

tom


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