Oh food...

The Olive Garden bread sticks and salad.

I can't stop thinking about them.

They're all I want, and all I need.

I honestly don't think I have ever wanted food as badly as I want bread sticks and salad from Olive Garden right NOW.

I know that's not true, I've had KILLER cravings before.


But I want them so bad, I could CRY.


Tears of bread stick and salad lust.


Salty tears, much like Italian dressing...only not.


Pasta doesn't sound all that bad either...

But what I really need?


Some bread sticks and salad.


From The Olive Garden.


NOW.
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They had it all wrong...

Remember the whole, "This is your brain...*egg*...This is your brain on drugs...*fried egg*..." commercial from way-back-when?

They had it all wrong.

That's not your brain on drugs, that's your brain when you are pregnant.

There's different names for it. I call it pregnancy brain. And it's real. WebMD says so! Actually lots of places say so. Just google "pregnancy brain" and you will see! Unless you're a mom, because then you KNOW it's real.

Lately there are two things in particular that I am really struggling with. One being spelling/grammar. I've always been very good at spelling. It's something I have prided myself on. I also have always considered myself to use grammar rather efficiently. Now, I can't spell anything. And that sentence about grammar? I don't even know if it even makes sense. I can't even figure out how to properly say that I used to be good at grammar. It used to be that I would type something, and just know it didn't sound right. Now nothing sounds right. So I don't know if it's correct or not!

I'm often finding myself using the wrong their/they're/there. Not for lack of not knowing which to use, but just not paying attention to what I'm writing! Not using the correct usage has ALWAYS been a pet peeve of mine! Same as you're/your. On more than one occasion I have found myself typing "Your" when I mean "You're". Again, I KNOW the difference, and it's always bugged the crap out of me to see someone say "your" when they mean "you're" but here I am peeving myself! Then and than? For the love of holiness I can't remember which to use when!

It's awful.

The second thing suffering from my fried brain? The kids school. I would say the kids, but they don't really care, it's the poor teachers who are paying the price! Forgetting to sign the agendas, or even CHECK them, forgetting lunch money, snacks for Hailey, not turning things in on time...it's been awful. I've had to run the kiddo's medication up to the school twice, money for Joshua's field trip because it was the LAST day to turn it in, and I know I was up there for something else. But what? Who knows. The office is great at letting me know that they're soon to run out of medication. But do I remember to call the doctor for a refill? Yea, uh, NO. I've gotten at least three letters from the cafeteria because they've had to charge lunches. Just because I am to dang frazzled to remember to pack their lunch money. {In my defense, one letter was from Joshua charging breakfast because he was eating at home, then going to school and eating there too! :o}

I keep meaning to write apologetic letters to the kiddos teachers explaining why their mom suddenly seems to be absent. But it's yet another thing I keep forgetting to do.

I'm trying to write things down. Reminders on the calendar, in the kids agendas, alerts in my phone, etc. It's not doing much good, but I suppose it helps somewhat.

I'm just glad I have a somewhat good excuse for my utter lack of responsibility.

How did you mama's out there cope with your pregnancy brain? Any helpful tips that you've managed to hold on to?

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How I Failed at Halloween

I used to think you could only fail at things like math quizzes, and diabetes test. I was wrong. And here is a perfectly good example at how wrong I was. Apparently you can fail at many things. One of which being, holidays. Somehow, I'm not sure how, but somehow this post never got published! Which just takes away even more mom points and adds to the failure which was Halloween 2010. So 3 months late, I give you...

"How I Failed at Halloween"

This year I officially had to pull a card. The "moms are allowed one or two, or at the most three mess-ups a year" card. I totally failed my kids and definitely made the "Top 5 Worse Halloween Moms" list for sure.


I think my soul died a little when I saw the, "I don't get to dress up as what I really wanted to be for Halloween" looks on my babies faces.


There we were, scouring the one isle left of Halloween costumes at Walmart, 10.31.10. "I want to be a bad princess Mommy, mommy do you see any bad princesses left?" Hailey looked at me with sad eyes. "Mom, I don't see any zombies, or skater punks...." Joshua smile fell. Much like my mom points. Much like my self respect, and much like my own happiness.



I felt like the worst mom EVER.


I waited until HALLO-FREAKING-WEEN to discover that the home-made costumes I had planned, were NOT going to work out.


To top it all off, the $7 make-up we bought to turn Joshua into a flesh eating zombie, really only turned him into a blotchy faced, pitiful excuse for a Halloween costume, because mom is Mrs. Polly Procrastinator. After a frustrating 30 min. of attempting, and completely failing at his make-up I sent Mel to party city to get the costume Joshua originally wanted in the first place.


When he gets there he calls, "They don't have any zombie masks, any zombie costumes, nothing."


"What? Have you asked anyone that works there?"


"They're completely wiped out of everything."


"Well have you asked someone that works there. They've got to have SOMEthing."


"It's 5:00 on HALLOWEEN! They're out of EVERYTHING!"


"Well what DO they have??"


"They have a metal faced motorcycle dude."


"Get that."


So poor Joshua went as a motorcycle dude, because he refused to wear his mask.


Luckily, Hailey decided she'd be okay being "Spidergirl". And while I couldn't provide her with trashy street walker boots, I did give her an awesome prosti-tot makeover with too much mascara and lipstick.


We originally put Leah in a hand-me-down Tigger costume, but it really swallowed her up. So I pulled out Hailey's Piglet costume from her first Halloween, and while it was a little short, it fit.


I solemnly vow to get the BEST costumes that my kids REALLY REALLY want next year the WEEK they go on sale!!!! I will have them thinking about what they want to be MONTHS in advance, and when the time comes we are BUYING their dream costumes as soon as humanly possible.

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Remembering

I keep finding myself looking at my children and thinking, "I need to blog more, there's so many things I want to remember...". But I have yet to sit down and blog. I feel like so much, yet nothing has happened. So much, yet so little time. What updates can I give? How have they changed? What was that adorable thing s/he said the other day? I already feel like I've let so much slip away. It's heartbreaking.

And it's not just writing in blog posts. It's pictures. Halloween pictures are still sitting, lonely, on my memory card. I believe I've only pulled out my big camera twice since then. For Leah's first potty adventure, and for the winters first big snow. (Sadly I missed the first actual snow.) I pulled out the P&S for Christmas, and Thanksgiving, but I feel like life has gone undocumented for the past few months.

I can handle missing out on things because I've been too sick and exhausted. I can handle not being able to sit down and work because my inspiration and creative drive have been completely drained. As hard as it is, I've dealt just fine with having to turn away orders, work, and photo sessions, even indefinitely removing my Busy.B site. I can deal with losing personal time. I can. I know it's for a good reason that I am going through these hard times.

What I can't deal with however, is what I worry it's done to my babies. I feel like too much of me has been taken away from them these past few miserable months. I feel like they've been cheated out of their childhood memories, because I haven't been able to capture them, and write them down. I can't go back and take pictures, or try to remember milestones that I have already been forgotten. And it breaks my heart.


The logical side of me says, "It's only been a few months! You've done so well capturing their lives, a few months won't matter..." while the emotional side continues to remind me that while it's only a few months, time marches on, and I will never get that time back.

I've always been very adamant about my children being able to look back through photographs, journals, blog posts, and keep sakes so they remember growing up. My sisters and I have all struggled with not having anything to look back on. Most of our childhood has been forgotten and I can't help but wonder if having those keepsakes and photographs would help us to look back and remember. It's something we often struggle with because we tend to want to keep EVERYTHING. I find myself having to go through and condense down every year. If not for that, I'm sure we'd end up with a storage unit for each kid just to hold everything I was too sentimental about to get rid of.

I am going to challenge myself to not let these few months that have slipped by to haunt me. I'm going to instead use them as a reminder to not let time do that. I plan on returning to my old journal writing days, and rely on that as much as the blog. I also plan to take more pictures. Be it with my big camera, my P&S, or even my phone. I just want something tangible to look back and say, "Oh my gosh, I remember that!".

Although I'm 26 days late, I think I'm going to make that my New Years Resolution. Well...more like my life-time resolution. :)

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Hyperemesis HyperSUCKS

Many may not be familiar with what hypermesis actually IS. Merriam Webster describes it as excessive vomiting. What I have actually been tortured with the past 7 weeks is hyperemesis gravidarum. Google describes it as: extreme, persistent nausea and vomiting during pregnancy that may lead to dehydration.

I describe it as morning sickness times 10. On steroids.

You might think morning sickness sucks, but it's got NOTHING on hyperemesis. And if you happen to be one of the mutant woman who never had any nausea during pregnancy please spare the bragging. I'm sick and hormonal and no jury would convict me for what I may do to you.

I was cursed with this little confliction during my pregnancy with my second born, Hailey. I only gained 7 lbs that pregnancy and lost roughly 18lbs when she was born. It vastly improved once I hit the second trimester and was long forgotten by the 9th month. I only spent a day or two in the hospital and it was nothing really.

When Leah came along so did the hyperemesis. My pregnancy with Leah was hell. Complete and utter hell. I lost 40 lbs and spent so much time in the hospital I lost count of all the trips. I was nauseous until the very end. Even begging for medicine during the c-section for fear I may vomit and move causing them to cut something they shouldn't. It's one of those things that you look back and yea, you remember being sick, but you don't REALLY remember. Because if you did, you would never, ever, ever, EVER have another child. But then you're holding that sweet beautiful baby and you forget.

So stupidly you don't get those tubes tied "just in case". Then you decide you definitely have to have an even number of children and try for that one last one.

You get the positive pee stick, yay! Then a week or two goes by and you're all, "Wow, I don't even FEEL pregnant!". Then you hit 6 weeks. And you want to die.

That was 7 weeks ago. I lost 30lbs the first 5 weeks and have put 5lbs back on the past 2 weeks. I can say this, it is NOT as bad as it was with Leah. THANK GOD. I have only been to the hospital twice and I'm holding down water. I am actually thankful for the many aversions because all I crave for the most part is nutrition packed good-for-you types of things. And fried nastiness like fast food repulses me.

I have spent LITERALLY the past 7 weeks on my couch, in bed, or in my recliner. Starving away 30lbs takes a lot out of you. My house has gone to CRAP and is the dirtiest it's ever been, I've had to stop taking on any photography sessions and Busy.B work, and Mel has had his duties PLUS mine the poor thing.

It is getting better and better. I have bad days, but they seem to be getting fewer and further between. I am able to eat more and hold a heck of a lot more down. Gaining 5lbs in 2 weeks scares me, but I think it just shows how much I wasn't holding down before. I don't plan on gaining any weight this pregnancy and at my weight it's not medically necessary.

I'm still struggling with massive headaches, and exhaustion. I am hoping the exhaustion will start to dissolve as I head further into the second trimester.

I think I'm going to be okay!

Just being able to sit here, and post such a long post after such a long break gives me hope. :)

I hope everyone had an awesome holiday season and happy new year!

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