Musical Monday #28

Have you heard Alt-J's "Breezeblocks" yet? My kids think it's weird. And they love it. As do I. I seriously can't get enough of this song! Every time it comes on Alt Nation I turn it up and we all sing along.

♫♪ Please don't go, I'll eat you whole 

I love you so, I love you so, I love you so 

Please don't go I'll eat you whole 

I love you so, I love you so, I love you so, I love you so ♪♫

Sad

In two weeks my Grayson James will be two years old.

2!

I don't know why this is making me so sad. I am literally heart broken! I get tears when I realize that my baby is no longer a baby but a toddler and is quickly moving on to preschooler. {Even though he won't be an official preschooler for a while longer.}

I just get sad.

No matter how you try and cherish and hold on to the baby days, they disappear just as quickly as can be. I know that logically there can't ALWAYS be a baby. There has to come a time in life where you stop. And watch your babies grow into children, and young adults, and adults, and then have babies of there own.

I know that.

But it doesn't make it any easier.

If any veteran moms out there have any words of wisdom for this broken hearted mama, please share! How did you make it through?! What made it easier??

I don't want to be sad through this awesome time. I want to be awesomely happy. And enjoy every second without being brought down. I know I will smile through the tears, and feel happy. I just wish I could go through this without feeling like my life as I knew it is ending.

Even though, technically, it is.

Rehab

Today at lunch I enjoyed an ice old Coca-Cola. It was the first dark soda I've had in...weeks. I'm not sure exactly quite how long it's been. But it's been weeks. And that's an eternity in some ways.

I'm quite certain that a couple of months ago, I was the worlds biggest diet coke addict. I was obsessed. All I drank was diet coke. If I wasn't drinking diet coke I was thinking about diet. I was thinking about how badly unwanted one. About how delicious and bubbly and refreshing an ice cold diet coke was. I would think about the snapping of the can as it opened, freeing the fizzy bubbles inside.

I rarely left my house without stopping by McDonalds for a large diet coke. There was nothing better than an ice cold diet coke straight from the tap at Mickey D's. NOTHING.

Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and in-between, I lived off of DC, and it was my primary source for hydration.


One day I noticed something circling Facebook about the dangers of aspartame and..dun, dun, DUN, DIET COKE. I believe beads of sweat instantly formed on my brow. I snopes'd it. FALSE. Bam. HA! In your face Facebook! My sister sent it to me first, BAM I sent her a link to the snopes article. Then my best friend sent it to me. BAM, snopes link. But then she emailed me something back. Actual complaints to the FDA. I read it, turned it over in my head, argued a bit, and put it aside.

Then one day I decided to google about the side effects of aspartame. NOT what health gurus and fanatics thought, but you know, real stuff. Stuff that actual people were experiencing.

The finding was, to be honest, horrifying.

I found list upon list of really scary effects that aspartame was having on the health of people like me. Diet coke lovers and addicts.

Health problems that have been plaguing me for over a year, and problems that had really built to a head in the past six months.

Here is a link to the article that really lead me to kicking my addiction:
http://www.livestrong.com/article/29349-symptoms-aspartame-poisoning/

I didn't stop cold turkey. I knew if I tried I would probably go batshit crazy and I really don't need anymore help being crazier than I already am. I knew I was living life hopped up on caffeine and that I would have to kick the caffeine before I kicked the aspartame. I slowly weaned myself off of the regular diet coke and onto caffeine free diet coke, little by little, drink my drink. I also started introducing NON soda options. Water, and 100% fruit nice mainly. Once I was completely off of the caffeine I was down to only two caffeine free diet cokes a day. So then I just stopped. That was weeks ago.

Sometimes I wish I had documented the day. But I didn't. I'm okay with just "weeks".

For a while I was ROCKING it with water, drinking well over the recommended amount. I've recently begin drinking tea, instead of juice also. I'm really hoping to see not only a change in my health but also a change in my waist. lol

I guess only time will tell!

Sometimes I sit and ask myself, do I ever really WANT a diet coke anymore? The drink that at one time I was literally certain I couldn't live without, and I can honestly say I haven't had one craving.

Until today.

There's just something about a nice cold cola with some yummy Mexican food. So I kinda/sorta caved. BUT I skipped the aspartame and went for different chemicals. Regular coca-cola.

I haven't jumped off the wagon, nor have I been caught in a downslide. It's actually pretty freaking amazing to me and almost funny.

To think how dependent and in love with a stupid DRINK I was. Just dumb.

I've already seen a difference in a few things. I want to give it a full 60 days {give or take, I will just have to guess on when that will be} before I say that I believe it was the Diet Coke/aspartame causing them or not. Like I said, only time will tell!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Money

I'm not one of those parents that hand everything over to their kids. They work hard, save, and learn patience, and then they're rewarded. Rewarded for all the times they did their chores, didn't buy that game "just because", and for the discipline it took to keep their hands out of their piggy banks!

When I wanted something when I was younger that's how I got it. I remember wanting a new bike. A few of my friends had just gotten new shiny bikes, and the used boy's bike I'd gotten free from a donation center began to look really unattractive. The little quirks I'd learn to deal with like the bump in the tire from it being flat for so long, and the rusty chain that constantly fell off were suddenly not so easy to deal with. I was always a saver growing up, I'd save else at every penny of my allowance and birthday money but even still I was nowhere near the amount I needed for a bike. But that didn't stop me. I began posting flyers around volunteering myself for odd jobs. Sometimes I would get paid by getting to chose a stuffed animal from a shelf, but other times I was given actual money! I was slowly beginning to reach my goal and in a last ditch effort put up my own yard sale. I sold my own things, and things family members donated. And when that yard sale was over I had enough to buy my bike!

I loved that bike. Loved it like I'd never really loved anything else before. And I took care of it like I had never really taken care of anything before.

I spent a few special years on that bike. It got me through my first weeks at a new school, even though I was known as, "the girl that rides her bike to school...". (Which I always thought was REALLY dumb. There was loads of kids who lived close enough to ride their bike to school!) An accident left it bent and broken. But by then I was hitting my teenage years. A bike? I was WAY too cool for a bike.

The point of my story though is that BECAUSE I had to work so hard for my bike I appreciated it more than anything else I owned! I knew it wasn't something that could be easily replaced, and I didn't want everything I had worked for to be in vain.

And most importantly that bike was MINE. I was free & clear. I could have borrowed money. Payed back in payments and gotten the bike sooner. But then the bike wouldn't really be mine until I settled with the lenders. I would have that debt over my head, and who could enjoy their new bike that way?! Not me.

That's what I want for my kids.

Somewhere along the way so many have lost that. Why? For instant gratification? How is it gratifying when you don't own it?? Why are people so worried about "keeping up with the Joneses"? I will tell you one thing, I am not impressed by how big someone's house is, how new and shiny their car is, or how big their TV is when I know it's not what they can really afford. I'm impressed when I see people have the discipline to wait. To save. To go years without a vacation, and be okay with it because they know that when they get that vacation they're going to be able to enjoy every minute of it without worrying about how much interest they're accruing every day.

I'm not debt free fully. I have a mortgage, but it's a mortgage on a house that I can afford. And we do have one car payment. (I will tell you that was tough after living for years without any car payments.) But again, it's a modest van with a low payment that we know we can make each month. But that's it.

We don't take luxurious vacations or even modest beach vacations. We visit family when we need a break from the grind! We were some of the last people I know to own a blu ray player and flat screen but they were payed for with cash. Years apart at that. And we're okay with that.

We were okay with sleeping on an uncomfortable mattress until we could afford a new one, and we're more than okay with buying things used. Craig's List and consignment stores have provided about 90% of our furniture.

We live within our means. (Which isn't much.) And WE ARE OKAY. We're actually more than okay, we're HAPPY! And THAT is, above all else, what I want for my kids.

And I totally have Pink Floyd's "Money" in my head now...lol