So didn't know I was PREGO!

I watched one of the most hilarious 'I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant' episodes ever this week. The stupid unsuspecting mother was a known hypochondriac so NO ONE took her seriously when she was in super-mega-labor pain. She woke up her mom, and her mom was all grumpy and what not and wouldn't help her, and then her sister was all "whatevs, you've got issues", so the desperate chick calls 911. Then her mom was all, "Double-you-tee-eff you dramatic biotch, chill the frick out you're just starting your period!" But then she pooped out a baby so they knew she was totally legit.

It SO reminded me of my family.

I can't NOT watch this show when it comes on. It's like those old school bug zapper lights, and I'm a mosquito. I KNOW that it's just going to zap away time from my life that I will never get back, but yet I find myself drawn to it anyway. They're basically all the same, yet split up into two groups. The fat chicks, and the skinny chicks. The fat chicks are fat, so they don't really notice that they're getting fatter. The skinny chicks are all, "maybe it's a beer gut", or "maybe I went overboard at the all-you-can-eat fajita bar".

To be honest, I don't understand how someone who is mentally capable of eating, drinking, breathing, and having sex can NOT know that they're pregnant. In the beginning maybe, you puke, it's the flue, you have super-human sense of smell, well I don't really know what else causes that besides pregnancy, but you get the drift. Even the first movements you can chalk up to that burrito causing some killer gas. But then you hit that mark where you're not just FEELING that little fetus move, you're SEEING it. You're totally Ripley from Aliens, seeing this parasite morph and distort your once beautiful tummy-tum into some funkadelic shapes. How do you not notice that?

And then there's the killer. "I thought I had to have a bowel movement, so I pushed with all my might when suddenly I felt a POP and heard a cry!"

Is pooping out of your vagina a normal thing for some people? How could you possibly confuse something exiting your vulva, as something exiting your anus?

I just don't get it.

{Now I'm totally freaking out that the next time I poop I'm going to deliver a baby, and then all of the IDKIWP ladies are gonna jump my ass and throw things at me and say, "SEE?!?! WHAT NOW YOU DIRTY PIRATE HOOKER?!"}

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