I've fallen into a rut that I have been trying to claw my way out of for a few days now. I wasn't planning on sharing this with everyone so soon, but I feel like I owe it to everyone that I have spaced out on, ignored, forgotten, and avoided. Sunday, August 15th I happily discovered that baby #4 was on it's way! 5 days later on Joshua's birthday I found out that I was already losing baby #4. An "early miscarriage", or a "chemical pregnancy" is what they called it. I gave myself one day to be sad, and disappointed, just one day, and then I picked myself up and dusted myself off. I ended up spending a Saturday in the emergency room with severe bleeding and pain, but emotionally I really felt okay. I was actually thankful that it happened so soon. To lose a baby several weeks or even months in is devastating. I barely had enough time to accept that I was pregnant before I found out I was miscarrying.
So I don't understand why I have been so disconnected since then. I have barely left the house, I have been ignoring phone calls, and I haven't spent hardly any time on the computer. Not socially anyway. I'm okay right? I mean, if anything was wrong shouldn't I be the first to know?
Apparently I'm working something out internally, I'm just not sure what. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm not being distant or moody because I'm a bitch. Well, not ONLY because of that anyway. :P Please just bare with me and if you feel lead to, send prayers and positive thoughts my way.
I'll be back soon enough in a better mood. :) I promise.
{PS} I am participating in the Before & After blog hop tomorrow and hope to share pictures from Haileys first day of kindergarten.
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8 comments:
Bri~ there are no words other than I am so very sorry. I have been and will continue to pray for you.
Love,
Kelli @ SustainingCreativity
I am sorry. I am going to pray that God gives you comfort. Bless you!
I love you and I am praying for you!!! God is awesome and he will get you thru this!!
although pregnant for a short period of time, your body definitely went through some changes. that can still cause hormones to go crazy. I am sorry for your loss. I have had a miscarriage myself, two in a row in fact, and although i thought "hey, the Lord meant for this to happen, so i am going to be okay with it" during quiet times, and deep inside, i imagined myself with each child and wondered about him/her. don't apologize for anything. at least you have an excuse. i think i am bitch because subconsciously i just like controversy. i will definitely say a prayer for you. Hope you feel better soon!
oh B!! i'm so sorry!!! praying for you. come back to church so i can hug your neck!
(and i wondered why i never heard anything back from you about joshua's party!)
Oh my gosh Bri I'm so sorry to hear this :(
From what I've read, what you're going through is normal. Apparently, regardless of the length of time, your body still goes through a depression. According to my senior year Child Development teacher, that is.
Regardless, sending prayers, positive thoughts, and big hugs your way!
You know how much I heart you. I'm here. Always!
I am so sorry. Miscarriage is difficult no matter how far along you were. I have been there and you don't want to hear this now but time does help. You will feel better. I promise. ((hugs))
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