I'm still here!

I'm not really sure which I miss more.

Writing. Or just having the strength to sit at the computer long enough to write.

I've been on here and there. Mostly to play a game of spider solitaire to keep from going insane, but that's pretty much all I can handle.

I have no strength, no energy. Both couches and recliner have officially shaped themselves to my body. I've been able to catch up on TV shows, read, and watch movies. I've had no real good time with my kiddos. My house is DISGUSTING. My mom has been over a few times to help with dishes, and my sister Dana came to help clean one day. Other than that it's been completely neglected. Mel works all week and then weekends are spent doing as much as we can.

It's just been a nightmare.

In some ways I feel horrible for complaining, I mean, I know there are people out there who are far worse off. But I'm miserable. And I'm living in such a gross house. I just want it clean. :( And I want my hubby to be able to come home and put his feet up. Not come home, cook dinner, and get the kids ready for bed! He's got EVERYTHING on his shoulders. His job and my job.

I hate it.

I am hoping for a bend in the road soon. Last week was really my best week. I was able to do some. But it never seems to be enough. Then yesterday I really took a turn for the worse. Couldn't get off the couch. I was able to finally put away the kids summer clothes. (It's taken me MONTHS to do that.) I had the kids bring them to me, then I was able to fold them into piles and shove them in garbage bags to be put away into closets. It killed me.

I spent the rest of the day exhausted. With the worst headache. We went out for dinner, the first time in months, and I was SO hopeful. As soon as we got home I got sick and lost all of my dinner and my headache was even worse. After 2 extra strength tyelnol and laying in our dark bedroom I started to feel better and forced myself out the door to get the kids a few things for Christmas. I lasted about an hour before I felt faint. I was seriously scared that I was going to pass out and we had to cut our trip short.

So there's a quick update. I am trying really hard and hope to grow more and more strength everyday. Hang in there and don't give up on me! I know I'll be back to writing for good eventually. :)

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