Closing Up Shop

Being the third girl born to the family I was the honorary "boy". I was a tomboy. While other little girls went crazy for princesses, I flipped my lid for Mickey Mouse. Give me soccer and horses, pants and sneakers. I wore boys clothes, and rocked a short, cropped, Dorothy Hammel esque boy cut. The one thing I was "girly" over was babies. I was an awesome mom to my dolls. I loved my babies. I always wanted to be a mom. I wanted 2 boys. It was what I dreamed of!

When times changed and real-life mommyhood came along I was over the moon happy to find out I was pregnant with a boy. Joshua came along and I was head over heels in love. When I found out I was pregnant again I couldn't help but hope and dream for a second boy. I wanted my 2 boys that I always dreamed of! Brothers! When I found out I was pregnant with a girl, I won't lie, I was disapointed. {For like 5 minutes maybe.}

I had my boy. I had my girl. And at the time that my girl came along my marriage was falling apart. I was done having kids. I asked my OB about sterilization and tying my tubes on up, shutting down the factory, closing up shop. She wouldn't even discuss it with me. {Could I blame her? I was 20 years old!}

I'm so, so glad she wouldn't. Because of course along came my greatest love, and with him, more babies!

Life changed when I married my love. I was a stay-at-home mom now. I wasn't working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week to put food on the table, I wasn't missing out on my children growing up. I loved this whole "mom" thing even more! I wanted babies. Lots and lots and lots of babies. If I could, I'd totally go the way of the Duggars and just pop out a whole herd. But. I'm not Michelle Duggar. I'm human. lol And I have my limits. I always wanted an even number at least. My dream? 8. How freaking awesome would it be to have 8 kids?! Friggin' hella awesome. Ask my hubby though? And he's all "Yea, friggin' right!". No way Jose'. So I 'settled' for wanting 6. Only 6! Ha. It turns out I am completely satisfied, and complete with four.

This has been the HARDEST pregnancy BY FAR. Having to raise 3 other kiddo's while I can't keep my my head out of the toilet, or my butt off the couch and out of bed was a wake-up call. There's no way I could endure a difficult pregnancy with 4 or 5 kids. I knew it in my heart. I was also thrilled to have my 2 boys and 2 girls. I was ending on an even number! Now that #4 is thisclose to coming everything is just bittersweet. Every kick is cherished. And as miserable as I am, I'm clinging on to the last few moments of feeling life growing within me.

It may be too soon, but I'm already starting to freak out somewhat over what precautions we will be taking once our finall installment makes his way into this world. It is officially time to shut the factory down, and close up shop. For reals. No fakesies. Of course we originally discussed and decided on tubal ligation. After all, I will be having a c-section and they will be in there. But after reading online the prospect scares me. Not being sterilized, but the side effects. It turns out that it can cause a build-up of scar tissue, and with scar tissue comes pain. {Trust me, I'm all too familiar with pain in the baby making regions.} I already have the pain of endometriosis and c-section scar tissue to deal with. Do I really want to add to that? I only know one woman who has had the procedure done, and I know she has had difficulty over the years. I don't want to face that.

To be honest, if there were such devastating side effects with hormones and whatnot I would say to just take everything out. There's no point in being there after all if you're not going to be cooking up babies. Right? Why should I have to deal with a monthly if I don't have to?? But I'm SO not going there. Those bits and pieces are meant to be there and when they're not your body flips the freak out. I've seen it happen.

So my decision? Leave my bits and pieces along and close down daddy-o's shop. The big V word. Snip! Snip! VESECTOMY.

We've seriously had a TON of guys in our circle of family, friends, and co-workers go that route over the past year or two. Mels worry? Work and "getting fat" like a "neutered dog". Okay, he's totally kidding about the fat part. {I hope.} But he has a point on the whole "work" thing. He would definitely have to take time off of work. Most guys can get it done Friday and be back to work Monday. But most guys don't have the physical demands that his job has. He's lifting hundreds of pounds a day, crawling under people’s homes in crawls in mud and crap. {Literally.} Not a prime job to be doing after getting snipped. He wouldn't have to take a LOT of time off. But he would need a few days. And with G coming, we'll be using his "off" days for that. So a V's not out of the question, it's all in the timing.

So what do we do until then???? Mirena has been recommend. HELL FREAKING NO. I've been down that torterous road before. F that. {That bitch don't play. I’m pretty sure it bullies your reproductive system with pain and threats to keep it from reproducing.} It may work painlessly for some woman, but of course, it's not just my bag to be so lucky. I've tried Nuvaring. Not enjoyable. At all. My go to? The shot. But I swear that injection bloats me up like a float in a Thanksgiving day parade. And I'm wanting to lose, not gain and anything that is going to make that harder just isn't going to work. I'm guessing we'll have to do the whole pill thing. Which sucks. I hate having to take that thing every day at the same time. I'm going to have 4 kids. Doing ANYthing every day at the same time is going to be hard. It's not something I'm going to love gambling.

At this point, I don’t know WHAT to do. I guess it’s time to hit up google. If anyone out in the interwebs have any words of wisdom, or advice, or have anything to suggest please let me know! Thank you kindly.

I thought the biggest decision to make was going to be if we should continue having children or not. It turns out that the biggest decision is how to keep us from having future children.

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