The Milky Way

I have nursed all four of my babies. Some nursed longer than others but overall I've spent a lot of time nursing some babes. You would think that because of this I'd be somewhat of a breastfeeding pro. Or at least rather knowledgeable of that which is breastfeeding. In fact I thought I was a boob milk know-it-all. And while I do know a lot, I'm so far from knowing it all. In fact I barely know just enough.

One thing I've discovered quite recently? I'm basically a milk monster. I see photos like this one:

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And while it's a beautiful picture of a mother nursing their baby, all I can think is, where's the burp cloth/receiving blanket to soak up the dripping milk?

I see photo's of mother's braless, in strapless dresses, nursing their babes. Where's the nursing bra?! How do they hold nursing pads to their breasts without a nursing bra????

I read posts where mothers talk about only needing nursing pads the first couple of days of engorgement. Whaaaat?! How is that possible?????

From the time my milk comes in, to the time my baby weans I am a milk flowing factory. Not wearing nursing pads? NOT AN OPTION unless I want to walk around like this:

I thought it was normal to leak all the time. I thought it was normal to choke and almost drown your baby during let down. I thought their cute little gulps as they tried to keep up with the geyser coming from my nipples was what all babes did. While funny, I thought it was normal to spray milk across a room or cover my babies face in a spray of their special beverage if they happened to turn away.

Apparently I was wrong. Very mistaken. I'm not normal at all. I'm a mega producing milk monster.

I'm certain I keep nursing pad companies in business. I go through them so quickly I've thought about using washable, renewable pads. But seriously? They'd be more a bitch than cloth diapers. Probably. Maybe. Okay, maybe I do need to look into that...

I happened to be blissfully unaware that not only is it not the norm, it's coveted as well. At least that makes me feel better. If I'm going to be all weird and whatnot at least I can feel special about it. I can turn my freakiness into a blessing.

When I nursed Leah Mel and I used to joke about my overproduction. I said I was going to open up a dairy store with products made completely from breast milk. Our shelves would be stocked with "Brianne's Breast Butter, the 'Breast' Butter in Town!", ice cream, yogurt, cheese. As I type this I am slowly realizing that the things I talk to my husband about late at night should never be blogged.

Now I'm sure someone is going to think I'm a freak and tell me how gross and disgusting I am. I say I'm hilarious and brilliant and they can suck it. And when they do they can enjoy the nice milky beverage that is sure to drown them. BOO-YA!

I just boo-ya'd, so on that note, I'm out.


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