Excorsized

I was SO tired and grumpy this morning! Grayson did great last night, he didn't even wake up for his normal 5 am feeding. So you would THINK I would feel well rested. I swear I feel more tired. I'm not a nice person when I'm tired. I'm the not the nicest jolliest person when I'm NOT tired, but when you add in the sleepies? I can be downright EVIL.

This is a pretty accurate interpretation of an early morning ME:

Yep. That pretty much sums it up.

It's really bad though. I try EVERY morning for the next to be better. But I always end up cursing at some point. And not in an "ouch I stubbed my toe" way, but an "I'm angry and hate the world, and I hate you and I hate myself" way.

Then I feel guilty.

I was up late last night. I kick myself EVERY time I look at the clock and it's after 11. I vow EVERY night, "I will be IN bed ready to sleep at 10pm!". Never happens. Okay, RARELY happens. So anyway, up late last night and I decided to do something I haven't done in a while. I decided to spend some time with God.

Saying I don't spend enough time with God is an understatement. After getting through the hard time I went through, I felt happy and lucky just to be in church again. Recently I even joined a lifegroup! And something weird happened last night, I actually thought, "Hey, I'm going to spend some time with God.". I thought of it all my own, and actually DID it.

I busted out my bible and SOAP journal. My last SOAP entry? March. March of LAST year. 19 months. 19 months since I sat down and made a point to give time to my heavenly father. I can't imagine going 19 months without talking to my mom or dad. How did I let 19 months go by without talking to God?

YES, I prayed. A TON. But there's a difference between praying and really giving time to Him.

I read a few verses from Psalms and SOAP'd them. {SOAP stands for Scripture, Observation, Application, and Prayer and it's an awesome way for someone like me, who struggles with understanding the bible, to really absorb the Word.}

It's bat crap crazy what a difference it makes when you make it a point to give your time, mind, and heart over to Him like that. It's a lot harder to forget and ignore and a lot easier to just....TRY.

I honestly think it made a difference this morning. I'm not saying the Lord touched me and I have exorcised my demons. I'm just saying that putting scripture into my head and journaling it really helped it sink in. I actually really tried this morning.

I'm praying right now for God to really work through me in the mornings, to help bind my tongue from being so dang EVIL. I didn't hate EVERYone this morning. Just most people...and that? That's progress. Maybe one day I won't hate ANYone in the mornings. That's what I'm hoping for anyway...


brianne.renwick{@}gmail{.}com

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