I'm not sure what is possessing me to do this, but I have decided to share some of my most recent weird dreams with you. Just promise you won't send the windowless van with the men in white jackets to take me away. Deal? Deal.
Okay so recently, I dreamt I had another baby girl with my ex! For some ungodly reason Mel was ok with it after a while, and he decided to stick by me or whatever. (so weird and stupid) But then my ex was insisting we name her Briaña, and I was like no no no no NO!!!!!She was SO beautiful though. Like Hailey was (is). But he was going to keep her from me and just bring her to me to breast feed her as needed. I was so livid and angry with myself for getting pregnant by him and then so pissed about her name and even more pissed that he wanted her!!! I brought her home from the hospital and we were STILL deciding a name. But seriously, on on what universe would I ever give my baby away?! One of the WEIRDEST DREAMS EVER. (And sadly, I've had stranger.)
When I woke up I felt like I had to protect a baby that doesn't exist from a life of doom and tattoos. Oh and a life of a name too close to my own.
Oh and that's not all.
Once I was Notorious BIG reincarnated. No joke. And I was being hunted down by a rival gang who KNEW I was him, even though I'm actually just a chubby white mom. But they KNEW and they were TAKING ME DOWN. And then I ended up in Snoop Doggz apartment hiding from Jay Z. Except his apartment was in the space of an old department store in a mall. And it had James Bond walls with hidden gun rooms and stuff. And yet, that's STILL not the weirdest dream I've had. Although it's up on there on the list of top weirdness.
And another time I dreamt that we lived in the future, and science had discovered a way for you to take your pregnant belly off and give it to someone else to wear for a while. You know, just to get relief and whatnot. My sister so happened to have one of these said mobile pregnant bellys, and decided to let me give it a try.
But like most dreams, it has to take a turn for even weirder, and the belly pops like a balloon and then I have to explain to my sister how I popped her belly and how her baby fell and landed on the floor, but seems to be ok. In the dream my sister was SO pissed and screaming, and I was like "OH MY GOD I DROPPED HER FETUS!" and then I was like, "OH MY GOD CALM DOWN YOUR BABY IS TOTALLY FINE!". And then I woke up.
If I'm not dreaming off the wall Nutty McNutso stuff than I'm dreaming stuff straight from a horror film. Like finding a VHS and watching it and seeing that it's a video of zombie fights and they use people for bait and then the people get eaten and then you realize it's your HUSBAND recording these evil and awful videos!
Or how for some reason you're in a bar for hours and an insanely hot woman is at the bar and literally for hours all your husband talks about is how insanely gorgeous and hot this woman is, and you have to constantly keep him from giving her his number and from going over to talk to her. Yet at every chance he DOES go talk to her and you have to drag him away crying and screaming "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" And then you realize that your only option is to kill this woman. So you walk up and start beating her head against the bar totally zombie-kill style until her head finally just caves into a bloody mess. Then you scold your hubby, he sincerely apologizes and you go home. (The next morning after that dream I called Mel and made him apologize. It was the only way I could feel closure.)
Apparently I have issues. And I need a psychiatrist. But most importantly, I need a freaking dream decoding genius. Because dream dictionaries are stupid and suck and you can't search "reincarnated as Biggy Smalls".
So. PLEASE share one of YOUR weird dreams with me! So I feel normal. Unless I'm really alone in this insanity.
But don't forget! You promised no nuthouse.
♥Love and weird dreams to ya'll.♥
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