Changing

I am 32 weeks pregnant today. I know I vowed to keep the blog depregafied, but once you hit the 3rd trimester, being pregnant is all you can think about. Because there's a baby literally kicking your laptop off your lap, or your back hurts, or your trying to breathe through {fake} contractions {that really hurt} while compiling a post, or you're DYING of heartburn, or you're completely exhausted, or you can't stop thinking about everything that needs to be done/bought/put together/cleaned in the next few months.

I hit the 3rd trimester over 4 weeks ago, and in those 4 weeks have experienced all of the above. Plus some. The more babies you have, the more uncomfortable you feel, and the earlier you feel it. When you combine that with carrying a babyzilla, and measuring a month ahead, you've got one uncomfortable mama. Doing pregnancy math, I'm really like 36 weeks along, I feel like I'm pregnant in dog years or something.

I sit here and look at my three kiddo's, and all I can think about is what life is going to be like once G is here. What will change? And more importantly, how much? Is Joshua going to feel pushed aside and forgotten, not as special because he's no longer the older boy? Will Hailey feel ignored? Will Leah feel abandoned as she passes on the "baby" title to someone else?

Are they going to hate me for changing their lives?

They didn't ask for a baby to come disrupt their lives, and change everything. And I can't help but feel guilty. I do, however see the excitement in their eyes when we talk about how much longer it will be before their little brother is here. And seeing that makes my heart soar! I can only hope and pray that they feel that Grayson will add to their lives and make their lives fuller, and not take away from it.

I can't help but feel like our family will be complete. That once he's here we'll all feel in someway different because we'll all be in our final roles. Mel and I will be the parents of 4, Joshua the big brother, Hailey the big sister, Leah the baby sister, and Grayson the baby brother. And we'll forever be in those roles, never changing again.

It's SO freaking hard not to be consumed by thinking and wondering and imagining right now.

It's making it hard to blog. Especially about anything else.

1 month, 2weeks, 5 days of obsessing left to do.

Top Mommy Blogs - Vote for us @ TopMommyBlogs.Com!