Per the advice of an amazing person I forgo the Nutrigrain bar this morning and went with oatmeal with strawberries. I was out of fresh berries and bananas and didn't think apples would be very good atop oatmeal so I mistakingly went with some frozen strawberries that I defrosted in the microwave. Upon my first bite I was introduced to Gag City. Ewtastic should never be a word to describe breakfast. They were like super sweet and tart slugs. The oatmeal was pretty yummy considering the length of time it has spent taking up room in my pantry. I wouldn't call breakfast a complete fail, but it certainly wouldn't be accepting any breakfast medals that's for sure.
Ok so at first I was SO not full from breakfast therefore my addict brain said "NOT SATISFIED" very, very rudely at that, and I was bummed that I would be facing a morning full of hunger until lunch graced me with it's comfort of food. But to be honest, I WAS satisfied. I just didn't know it yet. I went about my morning, and literally before I knew it, it was lunch time! M'yes!
Lunch times wasn't quite a big of fail as breakfast. But almost. I'm trying to take foods I love and tweak them to be better for me. Instead of Honey Wheat with 4pts I ate Whitewheat with 3. Instead of 2 tbsp of mayo with my tuna, I cut it back to one tbsp. And only half at that because I only ate half of the tuna. What would have normally been an 8 pt sandwhich became a 5pt sandwhich. It was a heck of a lot dryer than what I prefer but it was good and I think I can get used to it. I added some Apple slices and a cheese stick. I'm trying to save my fresh veggies for snacks and for times I feel like I'm about to break and rob a fast food restaurant, but instead of take money, sit behind the counter while I hold the employees at gunpoint and eat all of their food. I actually dreamt that I did that once. I was pregnant at the time.
Hunger hit hard and fierce around1:30p. I kept myself busy to keep my mind off it. It hadn't even been that long since lunch! I did good until about 3p. I couldn't take it anymore. NOTHING sounded good either. I caved and scarfed down a Nutrigrain bar. Okay, so "scarf" maybe harsh because I savored that thing. It wasn't the best decision as far as snacks but it could have been far worse considering who I am. It could have been a cupcake or well, a cake.
I was able to hold off on anymore smacking until dinner. Dinner. Oh dinner. Dinner is to me what that after meal cigarette is to a smoker. I don't do well at dinner. Okay, tonight I didn't even try. My will was beaten into the ground tonight. I started to mentally degrade myself for a moment, but then decided that I didn't give to loops that I failed at eating. I did really well all friggin' day. If losing weight is gonna work it's gonna be done my way, in baby steps and the bastard in my head beating me up over everything can STHU before I shove a twinkie in his throat hole to silent him. And because that's actually MY throat hole we'ere talking about here, I prefer this didn't happen.
Tomorrow is a new day! I'm going to keep trying this until I'm able to kick a whole days ass and will one day be kicking ass one week at a time and then a month at a time!
3 comments:
Crap! I forgot to send you recipes. I'll work on that!
PS...do you like greek yogurt?
Small steps. Even just eating more nutritious foods more often is better than not paying attention at all, right? :) Have you thought about looking into some food addiction "self-help" books. I mean I used to read them and don't remember which ones right now (but I trust amazon reviews for the most part). I don't know that it really helped per se, but made me feel less alone in things if nothing else. Over time though it really came down to me trying to use food to provide happiness or to fill a void and trying to fill that with other things instead. Not so easy I so so realize, but I wish you luck and know that you can do it if you stick to it. Time will pass regardless, might as well try! :)
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