Creepy Factor

In the past, I have shared with everyone my affliction of sleep walking. It's like sleep walking except you sleep walk your fatass straight to the kitchen and EAT. For the record apparently my iPhone is trying to tell me something because it put "FATASS" in all caps. See? That time I left it just to show you. Perhaps FATASS is an acronym for something? Feeling Awkwardly Terrified About Scary Spirits.

That actually fits because what I am sharing with you next actually leaves me feeling awkwardly terrified. (And later I will share my latest dream about scary spirits.)

NIGHT TERRORS

If my life were a pageant, night terrors would win The Super Ultimate Grand Supreme for "most hated affliction". If you feel bad for my hubby because he used to be woken up by the sound of spoons clanging or wrappers crinkling, you're going to feel super, super more sorry for him now.

Rather consistently, Mel wakes up to blood curdling screams, yelling, thrashing, kicking, and crying. Basically everything victims do in horror movies. Except instead of an 80's slasher flick, this takes place in the confines of our queen sized bed.

Most recently, as of this morning, more precisely 40 minutes ago, I woke yelling, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!". Which is what actually prompted this blog. (Because what the hell else are you going to do when you wake up at 6am on a Saturday yelling like an idiot?!)

It's been a while since I had any "outbursts". A couple of weeks ago though, Mel did tell me about him waking up cold, because I had taken the covers off, only to find me sitting straight up in bed, staring straight ahead. For a long time.

How CREEPY is that?! If it were me to wake up and find Mel that way, I would flip the hell out! Except the poor man has grown USED to waking to scary and creepy things.

So sad.

I tell everyone often that if an axe murder ever does happen to give us a visit we are all going to die if I'm the first to go because everyone will think I am having a nightmare. Mel will just roll over and shush me while I'm being cut into pieces.

I could only hope to have a nightmare at the moment the axe wielding murderer enters my home, and hope that it scares the crap out of them. Maybe they will think they were too late and another AM beat them to the job. (I wonder if axe murdering is a 9-5 thing...obviously it would be a third shift position. Except for the rare first shift that they have to work once a quarter.)

This latest dream was strange. I woke to find an invisible hand showing Leah how to write her name. A notebook lay in the middle if the living room floor with the name, "Leah", appearing over and over. Joshua enters the room wearing a hoodie up over his head and I ask him what is going on. The pencil falls and Joshua looks nervous, like he's been caught. "I don't think you want to know mom...", "tell me Josh!". I am starting to grow somewhat frantic as the conclusion comes together in my head. I gasp, "You've invited them into our house! Haven't you!!!!". I accuse him.

I can suddenly feel them surrounding me. All around me, beside me, even passing me through me. (dun-dun-dunnnnnn) EVIL SPIRITS! (Apparently although evil, they also care enough to teach a three year old how to write her name. Probably so they can earn her trust and raise her in the dark arts!!)

It gets a little blurry because at this point I am pret-ty terrified. I try to yell but my words clog my throat. Trying to come too fast and all at once, they block each other, leaving nothing coming out. Finally a prayer gives me the courage and I began casting the spirits out of my home. I tell them they are not welcome. That this house is filled with the holy spirit and I begin ordering them out on Jesus' name.

It seriously got super "Exorcist" up in here.

Suddenly my words once again stumble over each other, blocking the exit and I am again muted with fear when I began to hear a strange noise coming from my darkened kitchen. The noise could almost be described as the sound of a siren. And before I knew it, instead of coming from my kitchen, the screeching was coming from me. It took all I had to muster the strength for one last bellowing and powerful, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!".

And that's when I awoke. Safe and cozy, yet shaken, in my bed.

In retrospect the "screeching siren" that began in the kitchen before exiting my own vocal chords was most likely me TRYING to scream in my sleep. Heaven knows how awfully terrifying that sounded! lol Luckily it wasn't long before my yelling awoke me.

And that is what my poor hubby has to deal with. All. The. Time.

Of course it's not a cake walk for me either. I mean, I am lucky if I get more than a "SHHHHH!!" from the man. If I am able to get a little pat-pat in my back from him it's a super-de-super lucky day! Plus nightmares just suck in general. These "episodes" just suck in general! Especially when you wake up yelling, and wake up your husband INSISTING that there is a snake under your nightstand. And instead if going into action and saving the day by killing the snake he just tells you to go back to sleep, but you can't because you KNOW there's a snake, you're staring at it right now and if he would just look he would see it too but then he insists he IS looking and that you're nuts and there's nothing there, and you're ready to cry because you just want the snake dead and gone but then you realize maybe he's right and once you realize there's no snake you "wake up", feel like an idiot, and go back to bed. Yup. Sucks.

Anyone else out there suffer from anything similar? Or am I really alone in this and just completely nuts?!?! Come on, what is your Super Ultimate Grand Supreme winner for worst affliction?