The story continues....
You can catch up with Part I {HERE}.
The smell. Oh. God. The smell. I can't even describe it. Definitely not wet dog anymore. Definitely not faint. Not a "knock you over" smell, but it definitely gave me a firm push. I could smell it as soon as I opened his diaper. It didn't necessarily rape my nostrils, but I felt like they at least deserved a kiss when all was said and done.
To be honest? I wanted to cry.
I had JUST fixed our smell issue!!!!! What had I done?!?!?!?!?! I quickly gathered up all of the diapers I had JUST washed, marched to the laundry room and threw them all in the washer. Then I stood there. "It's only one diaper...maybe I should wait and see how this goes before doing anything drastic." I told myself. So I pulled them all out, refolded them all, and put them back. The second diaper, wasn't as bad, but definitely smelled. So I promised to give it one more try. The third? Still had the smell.
I decided to wait until the next morning to tackle the situation.
I started by putting G in a disposable. Then I took all of our dirty diapers and threw those in the wash first. I did a cold wash cycle, without detergent, a hot wash cycle with 1tbsp. of detergent, and a warm wash cycle to rinse. Of course, I checked all of the diapers, each one, as I threw them in the wash. Didn't they smell like detergent??? I didn't think so. But I couldn't tell. Some seemed to have a very, very faint smell of....something. But what? I don't know. I honestly thought they were good enough, most didn't smell at all, not even faintly. So I threw them in the dryer. And tackled the clean diapers. I decided that because they were clean that all they would need would be lots, and lots of rinsing.
So that's what I did. I rinsed. And rinsed. To be honest I can't even remember what all I did to the poor diapers. 2? 3 cycles maybe? I checked and again, couldn't smell anything on the majority of the diapers. I threw them in the dryer. Once everything was dried, I stuffed and folded and put everything in our basket, ready to go.
To be honest. I regret doing that. I regret not keeping track of what diapers were in which batch.
Finally, I placed Grayons back into cloth. {Yay} When it was time for a change I was soooo nervous! I pulled the diaper off slowly....
and there was NOOOO smell! I was sooo happy! I grabbed the next diaper in line, and snapped it on with happiness! Convinced that the smell issue was gone and that I was going to have success with such a convenient detergent.
An hour or two later, it was diaper change time! I laid G down, pulled the diaper off, and gasped.
The smell.
The smell was back. No, it wasn't back, it hadn't returned, this was a new smell. A much different smell than "faint wet dog". This was a smell I knew.
Ammonia.
Again. I wanted to cry.
I knew the smell immediately, I knew what it was, and I knew what it meant. It meant the Tide wasn't working. At all. And not only that...
I was going to have to strip.
{The diapers yuck-o's! Not my clothes, from my body! Geeze!} I was super, super bummed at first. I really, really wanted Tide to work. And it didn't. And now I was going to have to spend pretty much an entire day stripping my diapers, and praying they would be okay. I was bummed, and felt betrayed by the cloth diapers I love so much.
I'm going to be honest though, stripping was NOT a big deal. Not at all. It was more the fear that it wouldn't work that got to me. But you know what? It worked. And it wasn't bad at all. 1tbsp of blue Dawn dish soap in the laundry detergent dispenser, hot wash, and lots and lots of rinses later, my diapers were completely smell free.
SO. What did I learn from the horrors of ammonia build up?
•Don't mess with perfection! I had finally gotten a wash routine down that worked, and worked well. I shouldn't have messed with that.
•Don't freak out over things like stinky diapers! The internet can be a scary place. And actually I think a place that really can push someone away from cloth diapering. It had me so worked up, thinking I had ruined my entire stash of cloth diapers. When all they needed was a few extra washings. No biggie.
•Smelling each and every article that comes out of the washer is very time consuming.
•What works for some may not work for you. Everyone has different situations.
•I need more clothes pins!
•Stripping your diapers is actually super easy.
•Crunchy Clean detergent is my best friend. {And my cloth diapers best friend.}
•Cloth diapers do take a little more time to figure out, but are really, really worth it! I haven't had to buy a single diaper since Grayson was born. My cloth diapers are working off their tab and paying for themselves!
•I HATE DIPOSABLE DIAPERS!! I know they work for some, they worked for me with 3 kids! But I didn't know what I was missing then. Having Grayson in disposables while I stripped the cloth was not fun. I had forgotten how easily they leak, and how red they make his little bum :(, plus I think dirty disposables are a lot more gross than dirty cloth now. I don't know why...there's just something gag worthy about smushy, pee filled gel being against my baby's bum. I'd take pee filled cotton any day.
So there you have it, my first real cloth diaper disaster. I hope someone, somewhere learned something, anything!
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Ooo that smell! Part I
So, I posted recently about my somewhat smelly diaper issue that with a little tweaking I was able to reverse and continue my love with cloth diapering.
Everything was back to it's unsmelly glorious ways. No diaper issues at all. A new wash routine, but nothing crazy or hard to do. Not more work, just different work.
Then, inspired by my new wash routine, I had the bright idea that I was going to try and change things up a bit. At the time I was using two different detergents, Era, for our clothes, and Crunchy Clean for the cloth diapers. I couldn't help but to think it was getting ridiculous to use two different detergents. Plus, I was told that using Era could be contributing to the smell I was having. {That it could have been leaving residue that was transferring over to the dipes.} I wasn't a HUGE fan of using Crunchy Clean on our clothes because I felt like I had to use SO much of it on Mel's super dirty work clothes, and because I really like our clothes to have that clean smell. {Crunchy Clean rinses completely out of your clothes, so it doesn't leave a smell.} After many, many hours of googling and researching I decided to make a switch over to Tide. Although I did read a lot of negativity, I also read a lot of good experiences. It seemed to work for others, I could use it for both clothes and diapers, and it's available right in our local Walmart at a great price. So I picked up a box of orginal scented Tide Ultra powder. {I didn't even let the "Ultra" throw me off, I had done so much research I knew "Ultra" was just a concentrated version of the old Tide.}
I was literally excited to try a new wash routine! I threw my diapers in the wash for the initial rinse cycle when I noticed something...there was Tide already in our detergent dispenser. I had forgotten that I had caught Leah fiddling in our laundry room before. I hadn't realized she had gotten into the detergent and filled the dispenser. {Major mom fail, detergent is NOT a good thing for a -almost- 3 year old to be messing with. For seriousness.} I knew using too much detergent was NOT GOOD but figured, "Hey, I'll just make sure to rinse really, really, really well.". I went ahead with the wash routine, threw in extra cycles and rinses, I can't even remember what all I did, but I felt satisfied that all would be well with the diapers. I checked, like always, for any smell as I threw the inserts and all-in-ones in the dryer and hung the pockets. They definitely smelled like Tide. A little more than I would have liked, but nothing strong, nothing like our clothes, I figured we were safe! After drying I smelled, and smelled, and yes there was a faint detergent smell. But nothing strong at all. I wasn't too worried.
Nope, wasn't worried.
Until I put the first Tide washed diaper on Grayson. And he pee'd. And I changed him.
TO BE CONTINUED....
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Everything was back to it's unsmelly glorious ways. No diaper issues at all. A new wash routine, but nothing crazy or hard to do. Not more work, just different work.
Then, inspired by my new wash routine, I had the bright idea that I was going to try and change things up a bit. At the time I was using two different detergents, Era, for our clothes, and Crunchy Clean for the cloth diapers. I couldn't help but to think it was getting ridiculous to use two different detergents. Plus, I was told that using Era could be contributing to the smell I was having. {That it could have been leaving residue that was transferring over to the dipes.} I wasn't a HUGE fan of using Crunchy Clean on our clothes because I felt like I had to use SO much of it on Mel's super dirty work clothes, and because I really like our clothes to have that clean smell. {Crunchy Clean rinses completely out of your clothes, so it doesn't leave a smell.} After many, many hours of googling and researching I decided to make a switch over to Tide. Although I did read a lot of negativity, I also read a lot of good experiences. It seemed to work for others, I could use it for both clothes and diapers, and it's available right in our local Walmart at a great price. So I picked up a box of orginal scented Tide Ultra powder. {I didn't even let the "Ultra" throw me off, I had done so much research I knew "Ultra" was just a concentrated version of the old Tide.}
I was literally excited to try a new wash routine! I threw my diapers in the wash for the initial rinse cycle when I noticed something...there was Tide already in our detergent dispenser. I had forgotten that I had caught Leah fiddling in our laundry room before. I hadn't realized she had gotten into the detergent and filled the dispenser. {Major mom fail, detergent is NOT a good thing for a -almost- 3 year old to be messing with. For seriousness.} I knew using too much detergent was NOT GOOD but figured, "Hey, I'll just make sure to rinse really, really, really well.". I went ahead with the wash routine, threw in extra cycles and rinses, I can't even remember what all I did, but I felt satisfied that all would be well with the diapers. I checked, like always, for any smell as I threw the inserts and all-in-ones in the dryer and hung the pockets. They definitely smelled like Tide. A little more than I would have liked, but nothing strong, nothing like our clothes, I figured we were safe! After drying I smelled, and smelled, and yes there was a faint detergent smell. But nothing strong at all. I wasn't too worried.
Nope, wasn't worried.
Until I put the first Tide washed diaper on Grayson. And he pee'd. And I changed him.
TO BE CONTINUED....
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7 Weeks
Grayson James is 7 weeks old today!
7 weeks old means....
•His eyes are getting sooooo blue!
•He's rolling over FOR REALS! Well...it's mostly on accident, but still, rolling over is rolling over.
•He's been in cloth diapers for 4 WHOLE WEEKS!
•FIRST ROAD TRIP! I won't call it his first vacay, it was for sad reasons, we took an 8 hour drive up to PA for Tommy's "Celebration of Life".
•Sleeping more! For G and for mommy. We're seeing a lot less vamipire raccoon baby. Actually, we're not seeing him at all really. Grayson is sleeping all night some nights! If he does get up it's only to eat and then he's right back down.
•He's sleeping in his crib! Grayson has begun taking naps in his room during the day! {We're still co-sleeping at night though.}
•First bottle! Well...kind of. We attempted some expressed breast milk a few weeks ago, it went a lot better than it's going lately. The good thing about breast feeding though? He doesn't need bottles! It's no biggie. Just means I won't be leaving him for long periods of time. {I can live with that.♥}
•Googles, squeeks, squeels, and baby talk. It's sooooo adorable. Mostly he just yells! Just grins a big grin and yells at the top of his lunges. It's so funny. He wants to talk and babble so badly, but he doesn't quite grasp how to go about doing all that communicating stuff. So he gets all excited, kicks his chunky munk thighs and screams and yells. It's hilarious.
•Lots and lots more SMILES. {As seen HERE.} Real, genuine smiles. Usually followed by a big happy holler!
•Squeeky, donkey'esque laughter. Sometimes Gray man will surprise us and bust out a little giggle here and there. It's so squeeky and adorable. The bestest sound in all the world for sure.
•First yucky cradle cap experience. I didn't even realize he had it until I washed his hair and his skin started coming off in his hair! I about freaked. Once he was rinsed and dry he was covered in dry skin. I brushed it out of his hair and it hasn't returned since. It was really weird...
•New big boy nightly routine! {As described HERE.}
•Clothes are getting tight. D: <--Super-mega-sads face. He's quickly growing out of 0-3 month clothes. A HECK of a lot quicker than I ever imagined he would. He looks ridiculous in NB now, and shouldn't be wearing it at all. He's even a snap size bigger around his little {expanding} waist in his cloth diapers!
•Mommy is learning G's likes and dislikes. Slowly, but surely. When he's swinging or chilling in his bouncer, he likes feeling safe and secure so mommy has to tuck him in with a fuzzy blankey. No swaddling, no receiving blankets, it has to be a FUZZY blanket, not wrapped, but TUCKED tightly under each arm, up high, right to his little chin. Complete the technique with a paci and baby G Man is golden.
•I've come to realize that Grayson is NOT a crier. I am sooo blessed. Now don't get me wrong, if you deprive the boy of boobs, paci's, fuzzy tucked blankies, or a dry butt he will let you know it. But it's more of a "grunt, grunt, ugh, yell, grunt" sort of thing. Not the typical baby "wa, wa, wa". He basically politely tells you he's not happy. And if you're not appeasing him with the quickness he might get a little angry with his grunts and yells. But that's about it. Even at night, if he wakes up hungry, I wake up to aggravated grunting sounds. It's pretty awesome.
•Grayons is AWESOME.
•Picture taking is slowing down. I won't lie. It is. I hope it doesn't slow down, way down, like before. But it's definitely slower.
That's 7 week old G in a nutshell. He's an incredibly awesome baby. We've truly been blessed beyond measure.
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What is this? Besides not cool...
This is really hard sharing for what will you will soon see to be obvious reasons, but {A} I get tend to get the best advice when I blog about whatever crap I'm dealing with and {B} Someone else may be going through this too, and it's nice to know that you're not alone in something. {Misery loves company after all.} I am having major, major, super unfun...issues....I guess we can call them. Almost since the day Grayson came home from the hospital I have had the worst anxiety I have ever dealt with in my life.
I am absolutely consumed with the horror that something bad will happen to Grayson. It eats at me. All. The. Time. There are nights I wake up screaming from nightmares. Or there are nights where I wake up and not to sound too morbid, but I think he's dead, and I wake Mel screaming my lunges out.
Do you know what it's like to think your baby is dead?
Even though, yes, I do see is okay seconds later, I still go through that split second feeling that I've lost my world.
There are nights were I literally don't sleep. Even when G's not being a vampire raccoon baby I can't bring myself to close my eyes and sleep. All I can do is lay there and watch his chest rise up and down, and feel comfort in knowing he's okay. I panic while driving at times because I can't see him in his rear facing car seat, and have pulled over just to make sure he's okay. Even while sitting down to write this post, I've checked on him twice and have asked Hailey to check on him once. {He's napping in his own crib, in his own room for the first time.}
I know this isn't normal. I know that mama's do sometimes have there moments where they go in and check on their little ones, or daddy's go in with the "string" check everyone laughs about. But this? This isn't something I do every now and again, and can laugh about, this is something so much bigger.
I can't help but wonder if I have some sort of form of postpartum depression. I feel no sadness that comes with depression, I'm not weepy, I don't feel the hopelessness, loss of pleasure, loss of appetite, I don't feel worthless or guilty, and I don't have any thoughts of harming myself or others. Nothing that raises that normal red flag. I'm just 100% terrified, and anxious, and fearful.
I have talked to my regular doctor and he himself said that he doubted it was PPD, but thought instead it was just anxiety. Honestly though, I really can't help but wonder if he truly grasps the severity of this anxiety I'm feeling. He prescribed me pretty much the only thing that nursing mothers can take while breast feeding, but said that it would make G really mellow. No thank you. Because it's still not considered 100% safe, and does decrease your milk supply I just can't bring myself to take it.
I have heard horror stories of parents suffocating their little ones, but honestly I am just too scared to have Grayson be anywhere but with me at night. I feel like it's a catch 22. I'm terrified something will happen to him in our bed, but I'm terrified something will happen to him if he's NOT in our bed.
I've tried praying, and asking for this to be taken from me. I've tried leaving it out of my hands. But the anxiety is still there. The nightmares are still coming.
Watching my mother-in-law lose her child hasn't helped. I can't imagine losing a child. I can't even form the thought without a full-blown panic attack.
I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like any moment felt anxious or fearful is a moment taken from me that could be spent feeling the joy of having such a wonderful and precious new baby! I am being cheated out of these moments! I just wish I knew what to do...
If you have gone through this please share your experience! What, if anything, helped? Any thoughts, ideas, anything is welcomed. And I know I ask for prayers all the time, but seriously, I could really use them through this. Also, if you know of ANYthing that helps anxiety that can be used or taken while nursing a baby please let me know! I don't want something that will decrease my supply or effect him in any way.
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I am absolutely consumed with the horror that something bad will happen to Grayson. It eats at me. All. The. Time. There are nights I wake up screaming from nightmares. Or there are nights where I wake up and not to sound too morbid, but I think he's dead, and I wake Mel screaming my lunges out.
Do you know what it's like to think your baby is dead?
Even though, yes, I do see is okay seconds later, I still go through that split second feeling that I've lost my world.
There are nights were I literally don't sleep. Even when G's not being a vampire raccoon baby I can't bring myself to close my eyes and sleep. All I can do is lay there and watch his chest rise up and down, and feel comfort in knowing he's okay. I panic while driving at times because I can't see him in his rear facing car seat, and have pulled over just to make sure he's okay. Even while sitting down to write this post, I've checked on him twice and have asked Hailey to check on him once. {He's napping in his own crib, in his own room for the first time.}
I know this isn't normal. I know that mama's do sometimes have there moments where they go in and check on their little ones, or daddy's go in with the "string" check everyone laughs about. But this? This isn't something I do every now and again, and can laugh about, this is something so much bigger.
I can't help but wonder if I have some sort of form of postpartum depression. I feel no sadness that comes with depression, I'm not weepy, I don't feel the hopelessness, loss of pleasure, loss of appetite, I don't feel worthless or guilty, and I don't have any thoughts of harming myself or others. Nothing that raises that normal red flag. I'm just 100% terrified, and anxious, and fearful.
I have talked to my regular doctor and he himself said that he doubted it was PPD, but thought instead it was just anxiety. Honestly though, I really can't help but wonder if he truly grasps the severity of this anxiety I'm feeling. He prescribed me pretty much the only thing that nursing mothers can take while breast feeding, but said that it would make G really mellow. No thank you. Because it's still not considered 100% safe, and does decrease your milk supply I just can't bring myself to take it.
I have heard horror stories of parents suffocating their little ones, but honestly I am just too scared to have Grayson be anywhere but with me at night. I feel like it's a catch 22. I'm terrified something will happen to him in our bed, but I'm terrified something will happen to him if he's NOT in our bed.
I've tried praying, and asking for this to be taken from me. I've tried leaving it out of my hands. But the anxiety is still there. The nightmares are still coming.
Watching my mother-in-law lose her child hasn't helped. I can't imagine losing a child. I can't even form the thought without a full-blown panic attack.
I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like any moment felt anxious or fearful is a moment taken from me that could be spent feeling the joy of having such a wonderful and precious new baby! I am being cheated out of these moments! I just wish I knew what to do...
If you have gone through this please share your experience! What, if anything, helped? Any thoughts, ideas, anything is welcomed. And I know I ask for prayers all the time, but seriously, I could really use them through this. Also, if you know of ANYthing that helps anxiety that can be used or taken while nursing a baby please let me know! I don't want something that will decrease my supply or effect him in any way.
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Musical Monday #14
This is my happy song. I hear that whistle and turn the radio up and smile. It brings me peace when I feel surrounded by turmoil, stress, and the sads. I honestly can't listen to it without smiling.
Yup. My happy song.
I must also say that it has one fab video. Love it. ♥
♫♪Sometimes there's airplanes I can't jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories but please tell me
What there is to complain about♪♫
If that ain't the truth. What is there to complain about? Nothing. So smile and be happy.
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